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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Gall Bladder Hell

I don't even know where to begin. It just seems like an unending nightmare that I can't wake up from.

After being told to be at the hospital Monday morning at 5:45 am, we got there only to find that I was not on the surgical roster. It's so long a drama, that I don't even have the strength to sit here and write it all again. Needless to say, I still have the diseased gall bladder that is making my life hell. My surgery has been pushed to Thursday with apologies and assurances. Right now, in light of all we've been through in the past few weeks, those don't mean a whole hell of a lot to me.

In my nearly 30 years of marriage, I've seen my sweet, calm, kind and funny husband angry maybe a fistful of times...but yesterday, if he had anything held back, well then, the dam broke. Doctors, hospitals, and staff members were scrambling. I guess we'll see on Thursday what those apologies and assurances are worth. Fingers crossed, this will be over soon.

With my mom now in kidney failure and refusing all treatment, my mainland siblings are returning to Hawai'i to be there. I had hoped to be done with this, get a few days of healing in, and then get myself back to Hawai'i too. I considered just scratching the whole thing and just being prepared to go, but I know that if I am in pain myself, I am of no use to anyone. I need to get this behind me. In hindsight, I'm also very grateful that I did go home last month. If anything should happen this week as it very well could, I had my time with my mom and I know she knows I was there and I love her. Still, the temptation to just say the big "fuck you" to my doctors is overwhelming. I need to be rational, think straight, and get this gall bladder saga overwith. It is not going to heal itself and it's not going to cooperate unless I basically starve. I need to be well, not just for me, but for everyone around me.

On the upside; my kids are sure pouring on the TLC and Ellie is never far from my side. I have to say how very proud I am. When I had to suddenly get to the emergency room last week, Caris and the Grommet literally took over. They coordinated their school schedules and ran the store in my absence. They have stepped up to the plate, told me not to worry about anything, and literally kept House of Tiki running for the past week. Wes was away on a trip, and I was proud to tell him that all was under control because the "Ohana Factor" kicked in. My kids took care of everything without being asked. And even though they were worried about me, they did what needed to be done. If the pride I feel right now was a prescription drug, I'd be healed. My kids are awesome.