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Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Thanks are not enough...

To Batman and MaryFairy: From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the friendship you bestow on Averie. What you did in the face of adversity, to fly so fast and come so far for a friend. Speaks volumes about the people that you are. I already knew that. But it makes me so proud just the same. My heart overfloweth.

To Patrick and Nancy: Right now, nothing can say more than "I love you more than you know."

Monday, June 23, 2003

He fucking did it....

Sad little man actually took his own sad little life. Right in the middle of #23 of my list last night. Typical. And that's all I have to say about that. I think my daughter pretty much said it all. Loser.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

The Beat Goes On....

It's been a white-knuckled, stomach-churning, vein-exploding, stress-overloaded week. I wasn't sure on Thursday night if I could take much more. But for the sake of my child and what SHOULD have been HER week, I endured whatever came along. I took stupid crap from so many frustrating people. I ran and ran and ran, despite not being a perpetual motion machine. Just when I thought I couldn't run anymore, I got up, and ran again. I had so many fingers in so many pots for so many different people, I didn't know exactly what the menu included. But I do know that in spite of everything, I served up a hell of a two-day party :::pat pat pat on the back:::. Thank the gods for Patrick and Nancy, who held me together with their loving, unconditional friendship (though Patrick thinks I have it easy, he HARDLY has to live my less than charmed life). Bryson can be thankful while he's away at camp that I didn't break his pointed little head when he pulled his "Smith Stunt" the day before camp. Let's recap the last two weeks in the life of The High Priestess. Shall we?

1. Calls to CSULB: 6 calls totalling 4 hours
2. Calls to Claim Jumper because they screwed me yet AGAIN: 3 calls resulting in a Fed Ex package with my evals which I have to provide to
my new employer because..did I mention that Claim Jumper screwed me again?
3. Ordering a bracelet from Hawaii.
4. Trips to Costco to make arrangements for grad party: 4
5. Shopping trip for black pants.
6. Shopping trip for grad night dress/Hume Lake shorts.
7. Trips to bank to cover SO many checks from one account to another: 6
8. Trips to Social Security Office for Recruiter.
9. Job interview trips: 4
10. Stores visited to find new fridge: 4
11. Hockey games and practices: 6
12. Baccalaureate
13. Senior Reflections
14. Phone calls to members of family to make "arrangements" about who is at what event, and who won't attend if certain people are in attendance. 20+_
15. Hospital visits: 2
16. Visit to doctor
17. Visit to radiologist for x-rays
18. 2nd visit to doctor for cast
19. Ferrying children back and forth to various friends houses: lost count
20. Ferrying children back and forth to and from school: lost count again but it's WAY too many
21. Ordering leis for graduation
22. Picking up leis for graduation
23. It goes on and on....

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Change is the only permanant thing....

Where do I begin? I remember when I was still carrying you around inside me and wondering who you would be. I distinctly remember writing the words.."I do not know by what sweet euphamism I will come to know you, but I do know that you are so very very loved, and that Daddy and I can't wait to meet you." You were the great hope of our lives, the great joy of our souls, the much sought-after end of the rainbow. And here, we had not even seen your face yet. But we knew. As Daddy talked to my belly every night before bed and you moved. He'd sing and you'd settle. When you arrived on that Wednesday morning, you didn't cry. You simply looked around the room as if you wanted to take everything about your new world in. Just as you do today. Your gift for observing the obvious, the not-so-obvious, the sublimely ludicrous, the sweet, and the sorrow, gives you an entire menu of ingredients to mix up a batch of Life Humour, according to Averie.

I never imagined that this day would come so soon. I think I was just deciding on what kind of stroller I wanted yesterday. And now, this. This day that you've worked so hard for and earned so well. I wish more than anything that Grandma could be here. But in my heart, I know that she is and she's as proud of you as we are. As I said to you in your yearbook, the words borrowed from RWE, it is what lies within you. Averie Joy, what lies within you is a person that I LIKE so much. Someone as sweet as the day is long. This day of course, will go by in a flash. But you will always be sweet. If I never have anything of material worth in my life, I will still know that I am an amazingly rich woman, because I have had the distinct honor and privilege to be your mother. And hopefully, your friend. I love you so much. No matter where you go or what you do, please know in your heart of hearts that I will always be your biggest fan.

You have been blessed as well. Blessed to have the circle of friends that you have. It is one of a parent's most constant worries; the company that their child keeps. We know that we are so lucky to breathe an easy sigh of relief. We NEVER worry about who you are with or what you are doing. We know that you watch out for each other, care for each other, love each other. You are part of a rare society in today's world. You are loved not only by the family that you live with, but by the family that adopts you...your friends.

Celinda, thank you for being the "one with the car". You have saved me countless miles of frustration. Thank you for the wisdom beyond your years and for being available to help when help was needed. There can only be great things in your future. I'm sure I'll be reading about you in the newspaper someday. Passing the bar, or throwing your hat into the political arena. When you were in Mrs. Metoyer's 5th grade, and I was one of the book counters for the reading program at Paularino, I never believed that this "Celinda Sandoval" child could possibly be reading as much as she was saying she was reading. And to be reading "War and Peace" in 5th grade while everyone else was reading "Goosebumps?" Come on. So I mentioned it to Averie one day when she came home from school. I asked her if she knew a girl named Celinda. And she began to gush about it. "Oh my gosh Mommy, Celinda is THE smartest girl in school! She reads so many books and BIG FAT books too! And she's SO nice and I like her so much...etc etc etc." Ok, I got the picture. All these years later, I'm grateful that life brought you and Averie together in this place. We will miss you, but we know that Stanford isn't so far away.

MaryFairy, what do I say about you? I think it was freshman or sophomore year when Averie first brought you home for some English project. I listened from my bedroom while you guys worked at the kitchen table. Averie had said, "Mary is coming over for this project. She's a little different, but she's SO cool." That was the beginning of learning about the life of a flower child. That was the beginning of you becoming not only a part of our family, but a fixture in the house as well. I just naturally included you in everything and just took for granted that whatever we do, if Mary was here, Mary would naturally do too. It just made sense in a really crazy world. Your laugh is infectious and I love how it fills the house. I love your stories of life. You are the enlightened child in places that were once dark. Your ecumenical life gives you a worldly perspective and wisdom not known to many at your young age. You make me roll me eyes sometimes, but you also made me think, and laugh, and learn things that I didn't know. Thank you for being that other child of mine. I will miss walking in the door and seeing you on one couch and Averie on the other. I will miss the videos and hearing your laughter through the heating vent in my room. I will miss knowing that you will be here on Saturday night for SNL. Thank you for all that you and your family have done to show Averie some amazing things that she will never forget and always cherish for the rest of her life. You are a beautiful child of the universe. The Desiderata belongs to you.

Bobby. There is not much more to say than I think that you are a kick ass human being. I adore you massively. I know you aren't graduating, ut you are so much a part of Averie's life. As a mom, I am SO happy that Averie has you in her life because I know that she has the admiration and protection of an older brother. You are pants peeing funny. I always make sure that I visit the little girls room BEFORE I read your blog. Your public "aloofness" hides a raging comedian. I think that you are an incredibly talented and funny guy. Don't you dare let that fire die. I see you writing comedy and hitting great heights with it. Run Bobby Run. Your laughter therapy is a gift you cannot keep from a world that needs to laugh. It is your great commission in life to see that responsibility through. Besides that, you are an amazing person. I have enjoyed your company and am so proud that you are a part of our lives. If you EVER need a place to call home, you know where to go. And I always have an opening in the "mom" department, should you find you need one.

Lindz, you wild and crazy thing. You are absolutely indescribeable. I remember at the river all the noise coming from yours and Averie's tents and thinking to myself.."when does that child wind down for goshsakes?" I now know the answer, all these years later, is NEVER! You are the epitome of perpetual motion. Inexhaustible. I love that about you. You walk into a room and the energy level goes skyhigh. You have been a wonderful friend. Averie has learned much about family through you and through your grandparents. They are a treasure. I see great things for you, just by the dynamic soul that you are. I know that you and Ave will always be friends. You are the Energizer Bunny. You keep going and going and going.....never stop.

Averie, you are the joy of my life. If I have never done anything worthwhile in my life, I know, from being around you and the people that you have chosen to surround yourself with, that Daddy and I have done a good job. Yay for us! Yay for you. Yay for ALL of you. You have done us proud. I love you more than you can possibly know.

Friday, June 13, 2003

And the award for perserverance goes to....

Yes, I have a call-back. Yesterday was one of the few interviews that called me back 20 minutes after I walked out the door. They want to see me again today at 10:00. I'm not going to hold out too much hope. But at least they liked what they saw and heard the first time around, or they wouldn't call back. Right? Can I get an "Amen!" ? Fingers crossed, petitions of "oh please please please" sent up. I'm on my way. Wish me luck.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

The High Priestess steps out once again...

Listen well young ones. In life there are dry spells as arrid as the Sahara, and then there are times where you think you'd better do the Noah thing and start building an ark. On either end of the spectrum, any sane human being could break. I'm not quite sure where I am on the lifeline at this point, but I do know this. I freaking HATE not having a regular paycheck. Worse than that, I hate the fact that I have to go find a place that will give me one. As we drove around South County yesterday watching people in their luscious homes and cars, carrying their daily dose of caffeine in Starbuck's cup (for Crissake, even the damn cups have their own "jackets"), I wondered..."Don't these people work? And if they do, why can't I have a piece of their action?" I just can't imagine that all of this money floating around can be legitimately gained. There MUST be something just a bit illicit or illegal in it. There HAS to be. That's the only way I can wrap my brain around the fact that I don't have that. Cuz I'm a good girl. Yeah, yeah...but I digress....

I have yet another interview today. I hate these things. You feel like you're on the auction block. And no one is bidding. It's a very lonely and somewhat demeaning process. Unless of course someone bids. Today marks Week 4. I'm walking the fence. I want a bid, yet I don't want a bid. I want a check. But I don't want to work for stupid people. What you think is the perfect job, or what you "thought" was the perfect job...well, the cynic in me has decided that there is no such thing as perfection. I want a J K Rowling fairy tale in a High Priestess kind of mode. It doesn't necessarily have to end with "and they lived happily ever after", but it would be kinda nice if it sounded something like...

".....and she drove into the sunset in her shiny new convertible T-Bird." :::sigh::::

Monday, June 09, 2003

The High Priestess battles melancholy...

Despite what many may believe, I am not a perpetual motion machine. I can't keep going and going and going. Today, I'm just completely exhausted from the weekend. I used a whole tank of gas just making "kid runs" pick up here, drop off there, pick up again, drop off again, etc etc etc. I would be rolling in the dough right now if I were getting paid for all the deliveries I make. But I'm not. So I'm still painfully umemployed, and I'm starting to worry. I find myself having random thoughts about "seasonal retail" at the mall. God forbid. Worse comes to worse, I know how to flip a burger.....and launder sweaters. :o)

Friday, June 06, 2003

...::::sigh::::...So now I have to go look up Gaia?

Earth girl
You are a true nature girl!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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..in my next life, if the Gods smile upon me, I'll really look like this.

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Will the Darkness Prevail?

So get this. I have a phone call convo with a former work associate at my previous employer, who shall remain nameless (CJ Corp.) and she tells me that though they are running around like crazy with their heads cut off, still in shock that I left like I did, they have yet to hire someone to replace me. Not only that, little Miss SBK is walking on eggshells around certain people because she KNOWS that I fried her deceitful lying ass when I wrote to certain people about her tendancy to gossip. The "talk about town" is that I left because I was "emotionally unstable", yet my source assures me that people pretty much know the real story and my reputation remains intact with the people who liked me, admired me, and most of all miss me. So, now Miss SBK is kissing asses like she's never kissed asses before. God, I wish I could trade in my power of flight for the power of invisibility so I could go and watch. Can ya help me Batman? hee hee

Buddha was right; what goes around comes around. And nothing's worse than getting hit in the back of your head by your own boomerang...isn't that right Kimmie?