The High Priestess sends loving birthday salutations

For 23 years now, I have been blessed to be connected to a truly incredible human being. When one says "soulmate," most people, having been jaded by society and perhaps experience of lost romances, roll their eyes in their head and heave a heavy "oh brother" type sigh. If you must, do that now and get it over with. Because if you think it's been sappy so far, I haven't even started so it will be a long ride for you.

Today marks the natal anniversary of my best friend; Charlie. This will be the 24th birthday of his that we will celebrate together. I missed the first 22. Celebrating birthdays is one thing, but celebrating life together is quite another. We've had some pretty outstanding birthdays together. Remember the surprise 25th and me nearly drowning trying to set up that damn aquarium in our first apartment? Or how about the time your birthday was on Thanksgiving and I was determined to cook dinner for the entire family (yours AND mine) even though Caris was only 2 weeks old and I was in horrible pain. Then my parents were in a car accident on the way over with 2 year old Averie in the car. I dropped the turkey on the floor and that's when my mom discovered that I had forgotten to take the little bag with the neck and giblets and stuff out of the inside of the bird before I cooked it. Everyone laughed while I cried and you hugged me and told me it was ok. The best part of the meal was that everyone was ok, and that your birthday cake didn't cave in. Since Caris was nursing, she was really the only one that got fed on your Thanksgiving birthday. The rest of us got cake. Back then I didn't know you really didn't like cake much and would have preferred a peach pie. You never said a thing. For years and years, you just always rolled with the flow. That's how you are.

So here we are, 23 years later, and you're still rolling with the flow. Only the flow doesn't just consist of you and me. It includes Ave, Caris, and the Grommet and adds that much more spice to the mix that is our lives. I remember once saying that you were my sun and my moon, the stars that bring brilliance to my life. I remember days where we didn't have money for milk and so birthdays were merely a cupcake and a single candle and we cuddled on the couch and watched tv at home. I know the sacrifices that you made so that the birthdays that surrounded yours (Averie's, Bryson's, and Caris') were all terrific at the expense of your own and it didn't make a bit of difference to you. You have never asked for anything special, other than the love of your family, and you would have never cared if the day went by without so much as a peep about it. That's how you are.

This birthday will probably be one of those mini peach pie and a single candle birthdays. You'd have a fit if I spent anything or made a fuss. Mostly because I've been unemployed now for 6 months. But you've never made me feel guilty about it. You've never so much as sneezed at the fact. You've loved me, yet again, through another difficult time and told me to take whatever time I've needed to get the wind back under my wings. The fact is, the wind that held me up never really left. It's been blowing strong for 23 years.

Charlie, you are the most wonderful man on the face of this earth. I don't know by what miracle I was blessed to know you or to have you become my friend, husband, partner. I only know that I am indeed blessed. Whatever hand holds the eternities in place, I thank them. For bringing you to me and having us share this breathing space together. I love you with all my heart.

Happy Birthday Chooch.

Ellen's Mailbox Explodes! (Film at 11:00)

I think we should make Averie's wish come true. Let's all write Ellen today and tell her how we feel. Just don't say mean things about Jeff or Vanessa. Averie wouldn't like that very much and she's too nice to be mean. We'll just all tell Ellen that we love Averie and have their emailbox overflow! What do ya say world?

OBTW: Those in California and Nevada should wait until after 3:00 pm...cuz you're not supposed to know until after the show airs. We don't wanna get in trouble, after all. Comprenez? :o)

The High Priestess has a testosterone boost...

Yeah, yeah, I know what it sounds like, and I know what you think you know about me...but get your nasty little minds out of the pit, please.

It just so happens that I've had a little pang of guilt regarding the Grommet. I've spent so much time tending to the events in the girls' lives that I've all but neglected the fact that I have a third child of the male persuasion. Last night, as we were sacked out on the couch (after returning from yet ANOTHER trip to Los Angeles to visit the L A County Museum of Art for an Averie project), watching Harry Potter, for some reason known only to himself, the Grommet started snickering over something Jenny Weasley said. At various points, Caris and I looked over at him as he buried his laughing face in his blanket and continued his personal reverie. Caris glanced at me and said what most older sisters would say about their younger brother, "God, he's so annoying." His gigglefest continued for what seemed a scene and a half, maybe longer. All the while, neither Caris nor I could quite figure out what it was that was so funny. No matter. It was funny to Bryson. Again I glanced at Caris, who was shaking her head and saying, "He does this all the time, did you know?" That last question hit me like a ton of bricks. No, I didn't know. I felt bad that I didn't know. Shit.

A few days ago, Jenice and Jim took the Grommet out for his belated birthday dinner. With all the activity of late, he missed his date with them. It happened to be the day that Averie and I picked Caris up early from school to come with us to the last taping of "Ellen". Averie had been promising that she'd take Caris and we warned her that it wasn't very fun sitting in a dressing room and waiting for what could amount to five or six hours. She didn't care, she really wanted to go and Averie, sensing that she would not be "the chosen one" figured that she better make good on her promise to Caris. So, the three of us went happily off to the "glitz and glamour" while Bryson went to school, then after school, dinner with Aunty Jenny and Uncle Jim. The next day, Jenice called to get an update on whether Jeff had chosen Averie or not, we chatted about things for a bit, and then she started to talk to me about dinner with Bryson.

Jenice: "You know, you have the greatest kids in the world. You and Charlie have done such a wonderful job. They are all three, just amazing."

Me: "Thanks Jenice. That means the world to us....they ARE great kids."

Jenice: "Jim and I had a really terrific time with Bry last night. He's just such a great guy. We love him so much. He makes us laugh and you know how Jim thinks he's the best."

Me: "I know. And he loves you both too, very much."

Jenice: "We told him we weren't sure if he still wanted to be doing this annual birthday dinner with us. And he said, 'Are you crazy? what makes you ever think I wouldn't want to go to dinner with you guys? I love going to dinner with you guys! I love you.'

::::mutual laughing::::

Me: "The kids all love you very much. They look forward to the times we spend with you and none of us can wait until Thanksgiving."

Jenice: "He did mention that he was pretty sad that he didn't get to go to the Ellen show with you and the girls. He was pretty bummed out about that. He said he didn't even get asked. I think that hurt him."

More conversation ensued, but I really didn't hear much more after that last sentence. My heart was in a vice grip. Crap. I can completely understand the Grommet's feelings. So much has gone on for the girls lately, and he's pretty much been in the background. Mind you, he's had the front row seat for quite a lot. For a majority of his young life, his hockey ruled our world and we often dragged the girls kicking and screaming from one end of California to another for hockey games. But it hit me squarely as I listened to my sister-in-law's words "He was pretty bummed out about that. He said he didn't even get asked." Ouch. In all the excitement, I really hadn't taken his feelings into consideration. I felt like a creep. Some great Mom.

I made some lame excuse about how I knew he wouldn't be able to be still all caged up in a small room for hours and hours. And how everytime I ask if he wants to go with us to Los Angeles for acting workshops or photo shoots, he declines. Actually, he declines whenever we ask him to go anywhere anymore. This time, I just stopped asking. Note to self: Never stop asking. Sorry Grommie. I'll do better next time. I promise.

The High Priestess gets her motor running...

Well, now that Averie has thoroughly completed contractural agreements with the Ellen show, has updated all the important people who have been waiting to know what was going on, and I've given my hugs and kudos for her brilliantness...I think it's time to talk about ME! Yay Me!

We had the pleasure of being "escorted" most of the time during our nearly 4 weeks at Studio 11 by two really great people that deserve mention. Dave Madden (whom we called "Tall Dave") and Ellen Shapiro (whom we called "Intern Ellen"). Ellen took care of every little thing for us, did everything possible to make our waiting game as comfortable as she could, and provided some bit of comic relief when necessary. She was an incredible person with a heart of gold and she always ended her sentences with, "just let me know if there's anything at all I can do for you." And she always meant it. Dave was more quiet. Sometimes he mumbled and you didn't always know what he was saying (which often made me think that he was somehow making fun of us in his own little way. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism for making himself feel better about having to "babysit" us all day long). He was quite self-effacing, and didn't talk about himself too much, but I always seemed to be able to get more out of him. Tall and gangly, he would often blush if you paid him a compliment. Seems he came from The Tonight Show over to Ellen because the opportunities were greater for him to really branch out into his true, highly specialized field of choice; music talent production.

For the most part, though the waiting would drag into hours and hours, we would be given a dressing room that had a small refrigerator filled with beverages and a basket full of snacks. Some days they would bring in sandwiches, other days, they would escort us to the NBC commissary. Last Thursday, which was our last day there, Dave took us over to the commissary to get a bite to eat, and I think more than anything, to get us out of that tiny little dressing room for a while. Turns out, Jay Leno was having a show honoring the firemen who helped fight the recent California wildfires, so the entire audience (300+) were all firemen. Very cool. The commissary is adjacent to the Tonight Show studio, so we could see there was a lot going on over there, more commotion even than when Britney Spears was there last week.

It was pretty quiet in the commissary. We got something to eat, the show picked up the tab, and we went and found a table to sit and watch the show while we enjoyed our food. The girls, Averie, Vanessa, and Caris, sat at one table and watched "Passions" until Ellen came on at 3, and I sat at another table with Dave and we chatted. In the hour we sat there, a few famous local faces came through; Fritz Coleman, the Channel 4 Meteorologist, Maureen from the "Starting Over" house in Chicago. But then, after about a half hour of us sitting in there (during which time we watched Vanessa's date with Jeff and I started to really get the feeling from the way that film clip was edited together that she was going to win) a young guy about 28ish walked in followed closely by a camera crew. They weren't filming, they were just carrying their cameras. They put the cameras down at a nearby table and walked into the cafeteria area for some food. I felt right away that I knew the young guy they followed in, but I couldn't quite place him....That is until I saw the logo on his red t shirt. "O C C". And then it hit me like a tricked out Harley D. No, he wasn't from Orange Coast College. He was Paul Teutle Jr (Pauly) from Orange County Choppers, in Rock Tavern, New York. No sooner did the realization come to me, then Paul Sr walked in! OH MY GOD! I LOVE them! I'm a freaked out "American Chopper", "Monster Garage", and "Monster House" fan. The only thing that could have been better was if Jesse James of West Coast Choppers walked in too. But I might have died. Seems they were there with their now famous FDNY Memorial Chopper and they brought a custom bike that they made for Jay Leno. I was mezmerized.

Tall Dave, who was sitting at the table with me, looked inquisitively at me when I mumbled under my breath "Oh my God, it's them", and said "What?" I looked over at Caris and said, "Caris, it's Paul and Paul Jr from "American Chopper". She looked up at them, smiled and said.."yep, it is" and went back to eating. Vanessa said to Averie, "Who are they?", Averie shrugged, Caris explained to both of them who it was and how I love that show. Tall Dave starts chuckling and shaking his head.

Tall Dave: "Wait a minute, you have been here for nearly a month now. You have seen so many famous people come and go over at the Studio and there hasn't been so much as a peep from you. But now these motorcycle dudes come in and your pulse rate goes up?"

Me: "Oh...damn straight Baby. I LOVE THEM!"

Tall Dave: (smiling and nodding) "That's cool"

Yeah, I shook John Stamos' hand, and Brenden Fraser's dog licked me. Cyndi Lauper and her entourage took over our room (no problem Cyndi, we were happy to oblige) Bernie Mac winked at us as he walked by our room, I swooned quietly while Sara MacLachlin sang. The parade of celebrities we've seen in the weeks we've been there has been very exciting and I adore Ellen more than you could possibly know. Yeah, it's been cool and fun and whimsical. Yeah, Britney Spears and Mike Myers were in the studio next door. But nothing, and I mean nothing (other than my amazing daughter) got me NEARLY as excited as seeing the Teutle boys from O C C! Call me crazy; I'm a closet Motorcyle Mama!

I thought she was amazing before...but now she's blown my mind.

I just want to say this about that. Averie Joy Huffine, you are an incredible person. Gracious and classy beyond all imagination. I think you blew quite a few people out of the water yesterday with how very very beautifully you handled yourself in a difficult situation. You KNOW how proud of you I was before, but now I am in awe of you and I know a lot of people at Studio 11 are too. You may not have walked away with the "grand prize"...but then again, neither did Jeff. :o)

Concern is a four letter word that causes indigestion...

Last night I read Ave's final post for the night and laughed. I have to give her credit. Despite the obvious turmoil she's experiencing, she's finding humor in the situation. I've come to know that's her best defense against complete meltdown. After reading, I came here to blog. I was completely eloquent about my maternal concerns for her welfare. It was one of my better entries. Then the computer crashed. I bitched for a few minutes, called this piece of technological wonder a lot of names, took a couple of Tums, and went to bed. Sleep didn't come so quickly. I imagined that on the other end of the house, Averie lay awake as well. I hoped not and I sent good thoughts of peaceful rest her way. She deserves it.

From my perspective, it's been a lot of fun. An experience not many people will have the opportunity to live. By her humor, beautiful spirit, and the sweetness that is Averie, she's won over a few people at this point, not the least of which is Jeff. I think it speaks volumes that she made it this far. Yet none of this will make a bit of difference for a few days after, if the last girl standing is not Averie. Fun and games aside, there are people there whose job it is to entertain. Ratings are involved and there IS some gimmicky stuff that makes you wonder as the process has unfolded if they really DO care about the emotions that are playing out. I have, after all, been on the losing end of the job world where the job was more important than the emotional well being of the people involved. I know what's it's like to be a pawn in a game. No one wants to see that happen to ANYONE, let alone your own child.

I've been there through the entire thing. I've watched the girls that have come and gone. Many of them have been pretty candid about why they were there. Not surprisingly, most didn't give a rat's ass about Jeff. They just wanted to meet Ellen and be on TV. That raked on Averie's sense of integrity. Another thing I admire about her. Her sincerity and the fact that her heart is involved in everything she does. If you're not in it for the right reason, why bother? It's always been about Jeff from the get go. That is what this whole thing is about...right? I listen to those words in my head and hope that's true. I know Averie believes them. She's beautiful that way and in so many other ways. Above all, I hope she knows that nothing can change that. Whether Jeff picks her or not, it will never diminish that she is the beautiful person that she is.

So, come this afternoon, when the time ticks down to the last moments when the choice is revealed and I dig desperately in my purse for more Tums, I pray that I'll remember what to say either way. If the need is for my silent hug, then that's what I will provide. If the outcome is positive, then I will revel in the background (as I always have). Either way Averie, I want you to know how very proud of you I am. Throughout this entire month long process, you have been brilliant. You've been an amazingly good sport, you've been classy, funny, sweet and considerate. I have been privileged to be a part of it. I know none of this will make any difference if it's not you, but I hope it will. I adore you and to me (and everyone who loves you), you are and will always be the true winner.

One way or another, I'll have bricks or pancakes ready.

The High Priestess runs for the border...

With four 16-year olds in tow. Yes, that's right...it's Mexico Weekend time for Caris's 16th. I picked the girls (Taryn, Taylor, Tracy, and Caris) up at school on Friday afternoon and we hit the road for Baja. The traffic sucked at the border, but for the most part, the trip was uneventful and entertaining. Non-stop conversation and hilarity. I don't know where they keep all that.

It was a nice, restful time. Nancy seemed impressed that this particular group of girls were very good at entertaining themselves. They didn't have to have something happening every second to have a good time. It seems that with another friend's group of girls, they had to be given options or there would be whining and complaints of boredom. How can you possibly be bored in the middle of summer on a private beach?

After a bee sting mishap (Caris stepped on the little critter and he didn't like it much...neither did she for that matter), we went into town (Rosarito) on Saturday and let them loose for shopping. I was pretty impressed with Caris, she braved through the pain in her foot and walked on. We got a quick look over the wall at the Fox Studios, clicked a shot or two of the masted ships from Russell Crow's new flick "Master and Commander". I kinda wished we could have gone in, but Nancy was driving and really didn't seem too keen on doing that. We found a parking spot on a side street (as usual) and went to Macho Taco for a quick bite. Then we got the girls over to the open air market and made a meeting spot date, and we separated for a bit. Nance and I made our way over to Club Iggy's for a margie or two, watched the Shooter Guy do his thing with a bunch of college kids, witnessed some whipped cream dancing on a second level staircase, laughed at how that might have been us 25 years ago, and then left.

When we met back up with the shoppers, they wanted to hit the Panaderia (bakery), the candy store, and then they were done. We went back to the house, and they played some beach volleyball while Nance and I watched from Dean's patio. When they went in, we went in. She marveled again at what a nice group of girls this was and how it's been no trouble. We BBQ'd some burgers and they sat out on the patio, bundled under warm Mexican blankets by the patio fireplace. They talked into the dark of evening until it rained.

After thanking Nancy for the wonderful weekend, we left early on Sunday to beat the border traffic but I promised them a quick trip to Old Town San Diego for some lunch and more shopping. I think, for the most part, everyone had fun...but sometimes it's hard to read 16 year old girls. I'm just gonna trust that Caris said she had fun. After all, she's really the only one that counts.

Feliz Cumpleanos Mija. I hope you had a good time.

Think what you will...but I'm on a mission!

It is my personal opinion that opinions seem to matter in this world. So, I think that everyone should go here and tell our buddy Ellen what's on your mind regarding who should get to date Jeff. What's that you say?....who should you vote for? Why our very own Averie, of course! If Ellen is not too proud to be Jeff's pimp, well then I'm not too proud to be Ave's! Jeffman, Offsping....Offspring, Jeffman. It's all good.

Ok, so the High Priestess turned Momma Bear...sue me.

For the most part, I try really hard to give my kids their autonomy. I encourage them, I let them know that I support them, I celebrate their talents, and I'm their biggest fan...but I try really hard to do all that from the sidelines.

Throughout this "Ellen" process, I've just been the moral support, the transportation, the rah rah section. But I've also been there for every phone call from the producers and all the emotional ups and downs. I've been there as her job has been held over her head by stupid employers. I've been there when they've taken her on an E-ticket ride for this ridiculous talent showcase that they've forced upon her. First it's on, then it's off, then it's on again. Then they decide she can't play the uke and sing (which she never wanted to do anyway), then she and Mary write a poem (which is SO friggin funny and would seriously blow them away..but the producers are stupid), then they tell her to bring her rhythm sticks (which she hasn't touched since she was 12 or 13), then they panic when she drops them in rehearsal and ask her to go back to the uke (but she can't sing because she's been sick and her voice sucks right now), which in turn, makes her cry.

THAT was the last straw for me. I don't like seeing her cry. I especially don't like it because they've backed her into a corner and it's not fair. I also hate it because they've completely showcased ONE contestant's talent (Pietrina the Karaoke Queen) at the expense of all the other girls. It's biased and lopsided. And if she got eliminated because of it, it would be completely unfair. Suddenly, without warning, while she teared up in the dressing room and Producer Melissa asked her "are you ok?", a pissed-off voice from somewhere said.."NO! She's NOT ok!" Uh oh, I think that came out of me. SHIT. It did. I said it. And that was quickly followed by; "this is not her talent and it's being pushed as if it is..you guys should let her do her poem, it's REALLY funny..THAT'S her talent." CRAP. It just kind of rolled out of my mouth, I couldn't seem to control it. The maternal protection instinct just kicked in. My baby had tears rolling down her cheeks and it started a chain of motherly events.

Melissa had kind of a look of horror on her face as she looked at me and then began to "explain" why they were doing this thing. No excuse was really good enough for me. I wanted them to know I thought it sucked and they were really lucky that Averie is as good a sport as she is. I looked at Averie and knew I probably shouldn't have said anything. I haven't made so much as a peep in the weeks that this thing has gone on. I've remained quietly in the background. Silently watching. But I was overwhelmed at this point.

I didn't say anything else. Melissa said "you must be Averie's Mom, we haven't really met yet and I see you everytime." I took her offered handshake, and smiled and said, "I'm Renee, nice to meet you." And then I sat back down and remained silent. Tall Dave came in to get me and take me to my seat in the studio. I got up and went over and hugged Averie, wished her luck and told her that I love her, and I left. But all the while, I was praying with my whole heart that she would kick ass. As usual, she did. AND she made Ellen laugh again...a BIG, sincere laugh. All's well, because again, Ave is funny and she and Jeff have humor in common.

I will probably apologize to Melissa when I see her again. I figure I owe it to her for Averie's sake even though I'm not really sorry. It's the mom in me. I love my kids. Deal with it.

Royally exhausted...

The High Priestess would like to take this opportunity to say.."whew! I'm knackered."

You may rise.

The Presence of Stupidity; Part 2

With regard to Lesley and Arie, if I were Averie, I would:

1. Respond to the question "What's more important?" with "And you think that this job even PLACES on my "What's Important" list? Then hold your stomach, double over, and laugh hysterically.

2. Respond to Arie's comments about "She doesn't LOOK sick to me. Why did she call in sick?" with "Uh, Hello? It's not a LIVE show." Then roll your eyes, flip your hair back Valley Girl style, sigh heavily and say; "Amateur" and sneeze on her before you walk away.

3. Respond to Lesley's comments that she's "hiring again" and her veiled threats of firing with, "Ya know, that might just be a good idea because I know people are breaking down the door to work until 2 am the night before an early morning class. And this job is just so edifying to the soul that I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to work in such a great, positive environment where the supervisors do EVERYTHING in their power to make you feel like part of the team. Hire Away!" Then skip happily away while whistling and twirling your braids around your finger.

4. Make sure the Ellen producers KNOW that your employer has let you know that your job is on the line because of your participation in the show. You know how they love little interesting bits of information to "feed" to Ellen about the contestants. This one's a doozy! That way, Ellen will more than likely ask you about it on the air. After all, everyone LOVES a good plug on national television about how they've "HELPED" someone move forward with their best and most IMPORTANT opportunities, don't they? ::evil grin::

God I'm good.

16 is Supreme!

Happy Birthday Bunny! I love you more than you can possibly know.

Discount on Airfare!

While it doesn't make sense to you now, it will when the next episode of "Jeff's Search For Love" airs on Monday, November 10th. Yes, that's right faithful followers, you get a "sneak preview" right here! Of the Final Five, one was eliminated at yesterday's taping (which, coincidentally, was filmed on the same day as Ellen's "Finding Nemo" episode) and that one WAS NOT our little Bee-o-phobe!
It's now down to four.

Much to her delight, the producers got vetoed by the writers and there was no talent show. The girls were all very much relieved. The writers opted instead to do a Newlywed Game type scenario where they would ask all of the girls some questions and see if those answers matched with Jeff's. Turns out, our "Super Averie" and Jeff wanted the same Super Power, among other things. Compatibility Factor? Skyhigh! :::snicker::: Tune in. Tape it. Do what you must, but don't miss it!

On a Mom note...the "moral support" people were told to wait in the dressing room as there were absolutely no extra seats in the studio audience today. I was fine with it since I'd been accompanying Averie from the first day (WITH the authorization ahead of time of Producer Melissa and Producer Jeff, even though Intern Dave didn't know it) and I didn't mind waiting in the back. Some of the other girls friends (one girl brought TWO people with her...what is this? a damn party?), however, were not so happy about it and made it known that they didn't think it was fair. Just a clue in: SHUT THE HELL UP! Who do you think you are? You're nobody. Your lucky that you even get to experience being in the building. You bitch and bitch and moan and complain about having to wait SO long, and then you have poor Ellen the Intern running her ass off to get you things. You can't keep your butts in your chairs for two seconds. Are you famous? NO. Are you a guest of Ellen D's? NO. You have a fully stocked refrigerator with every kind of drink imaginable, you're given food and snacks, you get to meet Ellen's mom in the Green Room for Chrissake! HOW COOL IS THAT?? You leave empty cans around and candy wrappers all over the place like a bunch of pigs at a trough. Do your mother's know how you behave outside of their presence? And yet you have the friggin NERVE to complain cuz you don't get to sit in the audience and you don't get prizes like audience members? WAHHHHH! Here's a thought; STAY HOME!

The High Priestess gets annoyed in the presence of stupidity.

The High Priestess Shouts Out...

In every soul's life, there are "groupies" that aren't always recognized. But should be. In the most affectionate "TOM" way, I'm sending out love to some of the most important people in the world; The Averie Joy Monologues Peanut Gallery:

Batman: You have stepped up more than once to allow Averie the freedom to do this whole Ellen gig. Thanks for taking those crap ass shifts for her at work. More importantly, thanks for your place in her circle. The love and support is felt in the greatest of ways. You are indeed, a SUPERHERO!

MaryFairy: I can't tell you how many times Averie has said over the past two weeks since this whole thing started..."If it weren't for Mary, I'd be acting like a starstruck dope like some of the other girls. Because of my experiences with her on the set of Drew Carey, I can remain calm in the midst of all the hype. I think that's given me an advantage in certain ways. It's good to be a "Studio Brat."

All that said, and aside from the cheerleader you've been...you'll always be one of my girls.

Celindarella: Though you're far away in Academia, your presence is felt on a daily basis. Everyday, Averie expresses the sense that there's a little hole in she and Mary's world because they don't get to see your face for their daily dose of all that is Celinda. It's a great sense of comfort to me that you are so integral a part of her world. Thank you for your "yays!"

Do your homework!

I love you all for loving her. TOM

The High Priestess Updates the Masses...

Jeff has spoken: :::drum roll:::

Megan, Vanessa, Petrina, Laura, and AVERIE! Five more down, four to go!

Episode airs Wednesday, Oct 5.

Return to studio on Thursday, Oct 6.

The High Priestess is vicariously obsessed...

The obsession is really not my own. It belongs to the Tinman. However, since it's very difficult to not experience HER experiences vicariously, I don't think I'm sleeping either. They (The Ellen Show) have called her four times over the weekend to relay messages, get information, take answers to questions, update taping times. And though life has gone on around us, there still seems to be a central, underlying theme; Jeff.

She believes that she will be elimated. In fact, she's pretty sure about it. I can't help but feel, in my own, possibly inobjective way, that she's always too hard on herself. There is an inability to even consider the possibility that she is pretty, talented, smart, an amazing "catch". Perhaps that's a protection device. Whatever it may be, she's still gone through the motions to put her best foot forward. No pun intended. We've done the shopping, the wardrobe is in place, the time set aside for possibly two days (Monday and Tuesday) this week. It's pretty crazy. But all in all, an incredible experience and a really fun, if not anxious ride. How many people get to experience this, after all? Think of it this way Ave....whether you come away from this experience on Jeff's arm or not, you'll always be a winner because you've gotten to live a dream that not many can ever say they have. In fact, let's just leave it at; to the people who matter, you'll always be a winner. Enough said.