The Fragrance of the Flower

"The fragrance of the flower lasts long after the blossom has closed."

She's gone.  Her longtime partner TQ posted on her Facebook page this morning. First and foremost, my heart hurts for TQ and Bon's 'ohana, and though we do not know each other, I send them all the aloha I can send across the miles. The girl fought hard. Like the true tita she IS. She fought hard, but that fucking cancer wins again.  There is some poignancy in that last sentence. I NEVER ONCE in almost twenty years knew Bonnie to use colorful language. I, however, have a language palette that spans the rainbow. But she never made me feel the need to apologize for it and in fact, she laughed at my sometimes "explosive" tirades in describing, well...lolo people and their lolo doings. She was quite adept at allowing people to be their authentic selves. I loved that about her. So I'm saying it again..that fucking cancer. 

Always the good ones. Always the kind ones. Always the ones who do their absolute best to live every moment in the positive. She'd laugh if I said; "You know, Tita...it makes you want to be a jerk.  They seem to last forever." But her response would be; "Nah nah nah, Pua. Because then you'd be surrounded by jerks all the time."  That was Bonnie. Glass was always full. There was nothing in life that a paddle in the Hudson couldn't make right.  Nothing.

I "met" her through my blog. I'd been writing for a couple of years by the time she first commented on my page in 2004 or 2005.  Then, one day, after I'd posted an entry about living and going to school in Waipahu on O'ahu, she commented that even though she now lived in New York, she considered Hawai'i her "home".  She loved the islands, as I do. But the kicker is, she lived in Aiea when she lived "back home". Her dad was a teacher at my Junior High.  We had the same "haunts" as kids, though she was a good decade or so younger than me.  Things didn't change much along that stretch of Farrington Highway in the 70's.  

We would often comment back and forth on our respective blogs, or write each other emails long before the "cool kids" started moving to MySpace and Facebook.  It was always an easy groove.  I would live vicariously through her FROGMA blog, and in her love of the eastern waterways as she kayaked with her friends who were also members of the Sebago Canoe Club.  I marveled at her stunning photographs of NYC, the burroughs, her tiny garden that brought her such delights. She would write comments that made me feel I was a good mom, even if I blogged that my world seemed to be falling apart. Our worlds were vastly different, but we had a common goal to bring smiles in an otherwise difficult world.  

Oh, the food!  Bonnie, like myself, love all things island cookery. I don't know how she did it, but she could replicate local dishes like a master chef.  She'd post pics of her bodega treasures and garden delights she grew herself in her tiny dirt allotment, that she took home and turned into wondrous culinary magic for dinner.  We shared a love of SPAM. And yes, she did ask me if I missed it when I stopped eating meat, and she sent me a drawing she made of a SPAM Musubi on a ti leaf. Always a smile and a giggle from Bonnie. In return, since I'm not the talented artist she was, I sent her a box of treats from my favorite Portugese bakery here in California; Porto's.  She was smitten. When she texted to thank me, we went seamlessly into a soliloquy about childhood treats at Napleon's Bakery and Zippy's back home.  Waimalu Mall, the one-stop treat explosion where if you saved your lunch quarters for two or three days, you could score some yums from more than one shop.  Ahhh the "Hanabata Dayz".  More laughter.

Back in 2009, Averie had an opportunity to interview for an internship at SNL.  When I mentioned this to our dear friends Marc and Jess, they didn't hesitate to invite us to stay with them. Not only that, they hosted a weekend BBQ at their lovely home and invited all of the friends I had only known in the Blogosphere, but had never met in 3D.  Bonnie was on the list, but was going to be visiting family in Pennsylvania that week, so it was a missed opportunity we both lamented. She LOVED seeing the pictures of our gathering at the East Meadow B & B, otherwise known as Jess & Marc's. She was overjoyed for me that I got to meet Jase, Patrick, Deidre, Rob, Marc & Jess.  "Next time..." we said to each other.  Actually it was more like "Bumbye..." which would be the way Aieans and Waipahu-ites would say "Next time..."  We giggled.  

Sadly, Bumbye for us would never come. But in between, we continued joyful interactions with loving stories of "home".  I would text her to tell her how much I loved her photos and how they made me feel like I was actually walking around New York with her. Her account of her 9/11 experience literally gave me chicken skin. She would text me about something I'd posted with regard to the kids and their love of books and how whenever she'd see something at her work (Scholastic Publishing) it would remind her of something they were reading and that would make her smile. When Charlie and I were in Hawai'i a few years ago for our friends' delayed Honeymoon adventure and we ran into a very fun couple at Turtle Bay, I posted a picture. Almost instantly, Bonnie texted me and said; "HEY!  Those are my New York friends Camilla and Stephen!  No way!"  Yes, way.  She would be cheering on Averie, Caris, and Bryson's victories from the sidelines, as if she herself was a proud Aunty.  And really, in local-style, she was. So many great stories and life experiences. So close, but so far.

Charlie and I were in Mexico between Christmas and New Year. While cuddling up under comfies watching movies on December 29th, I got a ping on my phone. It was Bonnie. She said she hadn't made an announcement yet, but she wanted to tell me personally, and not on Facebook. Treatments for her cancer were not going in the direction they hoped.  Her dad and her partner TQ were there helping her get her things in order. We texted back and forth for awhile.  I was grateful it wasn't by voice so that she couldn't see or hear me crying.  Charlie sat next to me and rubbed my shoulder as I relayed to him what Bonnie was saying to me.  In the end, as usual, she remained upbeat. I told her that I was going to be a "Bonnie" and stay positive.  

She sent me a photo of a drawing she'd done of our favorite shave ice stand in Haleiwa; Aoki's.  Years and years ago, we talked about how people always go to Matsumoto's, but locals would go to Aoki's.  They made their own syrups.  When we'd heard a rumor going around a few years back that Aoki's was closing after 4 generations, she'd drawn this picture.  While she and her dad were going through her things, she found it and thought of me.  She asked me if I wanted it.  I told her that I would be honored.  It would be matted and framed with Aloha, and I would be proud to have it on my wall.  Right next to my Bonnie-rendered SPAM Musubi that she knew I went 'aihue from her blog.  She said that would make her so happy and that I should watch for it in the mail.

Looking back, I know what a gift it was to talk with her that night, as we anticipated the bringing in of a new year. She didn't have to reach out, but she did. It was so very Bonnie. Loving, inclusive, courageous. Especially knowing what she knew would be the inevitable outcome that I wanted to deny. Perhaps if we do not say the things, the monster cannot find us. She continued and we talked for awhile. We expressed our love for one another; my admiration for her, her wish that she could continue to follow our adventure in retirement to Mexico.  How happy she was that we could realize a longtime dream. How much joy it brought her to watch Kili play frisbee with Charlie on the beach that very morning. I told her I carry her with me there, so she's already with us. Finally, she said it was time for bed; "so sleepy".  

I wished her all my love and aloha and refused to say goodbye.  "Me kealoha pumehana. We will say; 'A hui ho!', Tita.  Never, ever goodbye.'"