Concern is a four letter word that causes indigestion...

Last night I read Ave's final post for the night and laughed. I have to give her credit. Despite the obvious turmoil she's experiencing, she's finding humor in the situation. I've come to know that's her best defense against complete meltdown. After reading, I came here to blog. I was completely eloquent about my maternal concerns for her welfare. It was one of my better entries. Then the computer crashed. I bitched for a few minutes, called this piece of technological wonder a lot of names, took a couple of Tums, and went to bed. Sleep didn't come so quickly. I imagined that on the other end of the house, Averie lay awake as well. I hoped not and I sent good thoughts of peaceful rest her way. She deserves it.

From my perspective, it's been a lot of fun. An experience not many people will have the opportunity to live. By her humor, beautiful spirit, and the sweetness that is Averie, she's won over a few people at this point, not the least of which is Jeff. I think it speaks volumes that she made it this far. Yet none of this will make a bit of difference for a few days after, if the last girl standing is not Averie. Fun and games aside, there are people there whose job it is to entertain. Ratings are involved and there IS some gimmicky stuff that makes you wonder as the process has unfolded if they really DO care about the emotions that are playing out. I have, after all, been on the losing end of the job world where the job was more important than the emotional well being of the people involved. I know what's it's like to be a pawn in a game. No one wants to see that happen to ANYONE, let alone your own child.

I've been there through the entire thing. I've watched the girls that have come and gone. Many of them have been pretty candid about why they were there. Not surprisingly, most didn't give a rat's ass about Jeff. They just wanted to meet Ellen and be on TV. That raked on Averie's sense of integrity. Another thing I admire about her. Her sincerity and the fact that her heart is involved in everything she does. If you're not in it for the right reason, why bother? It's always been about Jeff from the get go. That is what this whole thing is about...right? I listen to those words in my head and hope that's true. I know Averie believes them. She's beautiful that way and in so many other ways. Above all, I hope she knows that nothing can change that. Whether Jeff picks her or not, it will never diminish that she is the beautiful person that she is.

So, come this afternoon, when the time ticks down to the last moments when the choice is revealed and I dig desperately in my purse for more Tums, I pray that I'll remember what to say either way. If the need is for my silent hug, then that's what I will provide. If the outcome is positive, then I will revel in the background (as I always have). Either way Averie, I want you to know how very proud of you I am. Throughout this entire month long process, you have been brilliant. You've been an amazingly good sport, you've been classy, funny, sweet and considerate. I have been privileged to be a part of it. I know none of this will make any difference if it's not you, but I hope it will. I adore you and to me (and everyone who loves you), you are and will always be the true winner.

One way or another, I'll have bricks or pancakes ready.