Jim Carrey's Got Nothin' On Me...

Jim Carrey's Got Nothin' On Me...

First, it's VERY important for me to start this with a great deal of gratitude. You guys are beautiful. Your emails and comments have lifted my spirits when I have felt..well, like crap, to be honest. Today is the first day I've been able to, or even felt well enough to sit here and post. I love you all, more than you know. I know that this can be as difficult a time of year for some as it is a precious time of year for others. The mere fact that I've been thought of with love and well wishes from people whom I call "family", yet have never so much as seen their face in our 3d world...well, that just makes me one lucky and grateful person. In the most sincere way, I want you to know that you fill my heart.

Second, Wayne, at the apex of my worst day, your package arrived and rocked my world. I'm pretty sure that I squealed a silent, if not froggy squeal of delight. I cannot wait to soak in a luxurious, steamy bathtub full of your homemade bath salts. Though Charlie is making me wait until he's quite satisfied that the worst of whatever yuck I've had is over. Actually, I'm thinking he just wants me to wait until he can join me. Cheeky monkey. While I'm soaking, I will sip warm tea from my new and stylish "I'm So Divine" cup with the cute little Wayne Mermaids...um...Mermen...um...Merpersons? Well, see for yourselves. But please, don't hate me because I have one and you wish you did. Seriously Wayne, you could make a fortune selling these. Just a thought. Thank you Sweetie. You made me giggle. Even if no one could hear me.

Third, I apologize for the lapse in posting. I almost asked Patrick to Guest Blog for me, but I'm not sure Charlie is ready for a "TunaPet" of our own yet. Then I thought of asking Karen, but she might talk about all the hot, steamy sex she's having with the Tuna Hubby and that would depress me. I imagined how great it would be to have Jeffrey fill in for me or even my ku'uipo Aaron and how they would fill my page with charm, wit, and color. A color other than the pasty, ashen white that has graced my complexion these past awful days. Actually, I thought of quite a lot of people who I would be honored if they would sit in for the very ill me. But when it came right down to it, really the only one that could possibly fill in for me is the inimitable Hot Toddy. After all, poor thing, he hardly has a following and God knows he could use some of my amazingly overwhelming traffic. :) Then, I just threw my hands up in the air and my head back into the toilet and figured you'd all wait until I got better. And you did. So thanks for that too.

The old addage is true; when it rains it pours. And my umbrella was broken. I got over the strep with the help of TWO courses of antibiotics. Because of course, I'm just too special for one. That first course, of course, gave me a lovely yeast infection. So on top of high fever and nasty, icky throat, I got itchy girl parts. Then, just when I think I'm over it, my child comes home with the flu, which leads to..well, you know. The family that pukes together keeps the cleanest toilets in town. Cuz really, who wants to stick their head into dirty porcelain? I find that if you keep one of those Clorox toilet wand thingies in one hand while you hold back your hair with the other, two things can be accomplished at once. What am I if not the Queen of Multi-tasking..even while at Death's door.

Not bad enough? Fear not, there's more. I had to pull myself together to go with my daughter to her pre-op appointment yesterday. It's not so easy to muster up the appearance of the "All Together Mom" when you feel like roadkill. That, and holding her hand and administering comfort in a fearful time, and I tell you, I should be nominated for a Golden Globe. How could they overlook me? I'm friggin' amazing, I tell ya.

So last night, while I was sipping my TheraFlu out of my MerWayne cup and looking at the flickering Christmas tree lights and the stack of Christmas cards that I actually finished. I think that nothing else can possibly go wrong. All is right with the world. Charlie pops his head into the room and says.."Oh by the way, the computer crashed. It's dead. I'll mess with it tomorrow when I get home." I smile. Of course. That's complete normalcy in my world. So, I mucked my way through the mire of my college sophomore's minefield of a bedroom to use her laptop. God, I could catch something else in here.....As I said to Karen and Dr. P in an email, have you seen the new movie about my life? It's called "A Series of Unfortunate Events." I've changed my name to Lemony Snicket.