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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

An Attitude of Gratitude

An Attitude of Gratitude

I've been a little grumpy. There's too much going on and I'm doing my best to keep up. Despite everything that's going on in my world that's causing me concern, I can't help but think that I'm one damn lucky lady.

Last night, Charlie and I decided to take a little break for ourselves and we went out for an unusual mid-week dinner. He was going to be away for a couple days and we were both feeling a little sorry for ourselves. His mom's live-in aide was going home for Thanksgiving and she didn't want to come and stay with us, so Charlie was going to go and stay with her until Friday afternoon (his birthday, by the way). Granted, we will SEE Charlie tomorrow for Thanksgiving dinner at his sister's, but it's just weird that I'll be seeing my husband, but not going home with him. He won't be sleeping in our bed. I hate that.

So, we went out for our date night on Tuesday instead of Friday. While we sat outside on the restaurant patio, under a beautiful, clear California sky, and talked. It's been a tough week. Some unexpected news about the health and pending surgery of one of our children has us worried. The frustrations of family situations with regard to taking care of Mom is taking its toll. People have been uncooperative and selfish. I've been suffering with a migraine since last Friday that I'm quite sure is stress related. And Charlie is tired. I see it in his eyes though he doesn't complain.

As we talk about all of this, I tell him about the news that's shaken my little blog family. Sebastian, now fighting for his life in Australia. How someone's mind was taken over by such pervasive thoughts of hatred that they would take it into their hands to harm an innocent. Of course, this is not confirmed, but suspected. As I tell my sweet husband this news, the tears roll down his tired face. He says to me; "Pua, I don't understand this. I can't get my head around the why's. It just makes no sense to me this sick thinking and the negative energy behind it. I'm grateful we are who we are. I'm grateful that our children know love above all things. We are blessed, and we did well by them. I'm so sorry for what happened to Sebastian. I pity the loss of humanity of whomever has enough hate in them to do something so despicable. I'm very sorry Honey."

I squeeze his hand and thank him, though I only know Sebastian by what I learned on the tribe and through Aaron. Charlie knows my heart and how tender it is. It's something we share; a tender heart. It's something we've passed on to our kids. I adore this man and the empathic tears that run down his face. Tears for someone he doesn't know. Tears for the lack of understanding in our world. Tears because he is who he is. He leans in to hug me and I whisper; "I know. I'm sorry too." All thoughts of what we're dealing with seem so small for the moment.

So here I sit, the night before Thanksgiving, blogging at midnight because my husband is sleeping at his mother's house across town. The dog has already noticed that half the bed is up for grabs and she's making herself comfortable. I could be pissy since I want him here with me. I could be, but I'm not. I'm just really grateful. Grateful that I share life with someone as understanding and loving as he is. Grateful for this blog medium that brings me a ragtag family of beautiful people who accept me for me. Grateful for the love I find in both worlds.

Heal quickly Sebastian. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.


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