Timing is Everything

Ellie and I have been enjoying the beautiful day.  She likes to sit on a patch of soft, green grass, just off the porch, in the shade of the eaves.  I sit on the porch stoop right next to her.  It's quiet in the neighborhood today, and I'm quite sure it's because it's a stunningly beautiful day.  Given the choice, I would probably rather be out galavanting in the sunshine too.  However, since Ellie is content to sit on her grass pillow and watch the clouds drift by, I'm content to sit with her and do the same without so much as a pinch of guilt.

It's been a pretty tough couple of years.  I had hope that 2013 would be better.  But hope and I are not very good friends these days, I guess.  It's a precarious relationship.  I'm almost afraid to be happy because for every small glimmer of joy, there seems to be a hammer lurking in the shadows just waiting to come down.  I know that's just a pained heart talking, and I try really hard not to live in the darkness of that shadow.  But it can be pretty hard sometimes.  I want to be optimistic, but currently, with regard to Ellie's failing health, I can only live in the now.  The facts are the facts, and the facts suck.  On the other hand, Ellie is still here.  That's a fact that doesn't suck.  I have to find the happy in that.  I just don't want to say it louder than a whisper because that hammer is lurking and waiting.

I've always held on to the thought that you're never to stop learning.  You're never to feel that you're an "expert" at anything.  Even if you are, you can learn to be humble about it.  It's always a journey, this life we live.  No matter how old you are, there is some lesson to learn.  I believe, with my whole heart, that when the student is ready, the teacher will come.  Today, our mail carrier delivered my lesson plan from my teacher.

For someone who has always considered herself a very spiritual person, I have been struggling massively lately.  I've offered words of hope, compassion, love and optimism to those people around me who have, themselves, been struggling with the cruelties that life has been flinging at them.  But at the end of the day, I wonder for myself the whys and the what nexts.  How can I offer hope when I struggle with hope of my own?

When I opened the envelope and saw this book from my darling friend, I smiled.  How perfect it is when you have kindred souls scattered to the far reaches that understand you?  I have three of these  kindred souls.  Their timing is always impeccable.  Today, Aub's was perfect.  Tucked in the pages of the book, a note:

My Sister Friend,

You've had a rough year.  And although you're the most grounded person I know and are one of the most spiritual, hopefully, there are some pearls of wisdom in these pages to help.  If you've already read it, pass it along!

Now here, not only does she send me a perfect gift, but she asks me to share it when I have gleaned  whatever lesson I am to learn.  That is true wisdom. Give, take what is necessary, share.  I am a grateful and lucky woman to have such people in my world.