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Friday, September 09, 2005

"Don't Forget About the Licorice"

Okay, before I give my pidgin lesson for the day, I'm going to give out the thank you hugs and kisses. So line up...

Thank you everyone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for such a great day. Your calls, emails, thoughts of warm wishes just made my day. I felt everyone's love from the get-go. Well, everyone except my husband.

Now, don't get me wrong. You all know that I absolutely adore Charlie. He's my sun, my moon, my stars, my endless sea. I KNOW without question that he feels the same way about me. But, his plate these days, is not only full, it is spilling over. He has to deal with his mother's issues. Along with his mother's issues come his sisters' issues, which always relate back to his mother's issues. He's been on pins and needles for the last couple of months as to whether he's going to lose his job since they've been promising mass layoffs at his company. Our finances suck (as always) and we never can seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. With kids, hospital visits, cars breaking down, toilets overflowing, the last thing he said to me before he fell asleep on Wednesday night was; "I need to go fishing so I can catch a fucking break..." So yesterday morning, when he left for work without saying "Happy Birthday," and when I didn't receive a phone call all day, I just figured his head was too full of life's crap and he forgot. So, I began making my own plans.

My first call of the day came from the beautiful Auburn Pisces. She helped to calm me down. I had just come home from dropping the kids off at school and had nearly been broadsided by a speeding car that ran a red light. The driver was completely oblivious. Thank God a neighbor who was stopped honked his horn which got my attention and I stopped even though I had the green arrow. Had I not stopped, I'm quite sure my birthdate would have also been the "out" date on my gravestone.

As I relayed this story to AP, I told her that I couldn't stop thinking about my underwear. "WHAT?" She responded. I just figured that since she had a funny story about Toddy's grandpa underwear, she ought to have a story about my "religeous" underpants as well. You see, I don't get out of my jammies when I drive the kids to school. No one's gonna see me, and I never get out of the car. I just drive through the student parking lot with the hundreds of other cars, Caris and the Grommet get out, and I drive off. It's 7:30 in the morning, and I don't need to be at work until 10:00, so why get dressed until I have to? And no, I don't care if other moms I know see me. I'm not one of "those" moms, and I don't care what they think. I stopped caring what they think a long damn time ago.

Now, I thought, it wouldn't have been so bad to have an accident in my jammies. And it might not be all that big a deal that my hair and teeth were both unbrushed. What would have really sucked is that I had on my nasty, holey panties. The kind of panties you save for when Aunt Flo visits. AP is laughing her head off as I'm thanking the gods and goddesses that I didn't have an accident not because it's my birthday, but because I have on nasty panties. This morning, when it was time to take the kids to school, I changed into pretty panties. Just in case.

As AP and I talked, she asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her that I was hoping for some birthday sex, but it didn't look like I was gonna get any because: 1) I think Charlie forgot, and 2) I think Charlie has too much on his plate and I don't want to bother him with my desire to throw him on the floor and have my way with him.

"Sister," She said, "If I thought Charlie would still be my friend after, I'd come down there and give you birthday lovin' like you've never had before."

"What are you waiting for?" I responded. "It would probably take the pressure off of him to perform!"

I think she thinks I was joking.

Ah well, she ended our conversation with warm, birthday wishes and it was now time for me to get ready for work. When I got there, a beautiful bouquet of tropical flowers was on my desk. Gorgeous anthuriums (my kids call "Little Boy" flowers), orchids, torch ginger and ti leaves. My boss is the best. Inside the card he wrote: "We're so glad your life path led you to us. We hope you find happiness here." Indeed, I have.

After work, I decided to just go straight to the pub, I tried calling Charlie two or three times, but I kept getting his voicemail, so I left him a messages telling him where I'd be and that he could join me later if he'd like. I called my friend Nancy and asked her to come have a birthday drink with me. As I walked in, I got tons of birthday hugs from the owner and some of the staff. Then I went out on the patio and waited for Nancy.

When I got to our regular table, there was a beautiful bouquet of happy, little daisies inside of a GIANT margarita glass. I'm not kidding you, it was complete with limes and what appeared to be an actual margarita in the glass. The water was that beautiful lemon-lime green that makes me salivate. No, it wasn't really a margie, but it was the cutest damn thing I had ever seen. I was especially surprised that they had been delivered to the pub, though I probably shouldn't have been...it seems my sister knows me pretty well. When I opened the card, the inscription read: "Aino'kea, u fakka u." For those of you not in the know when it comes to the island's pidgin english, if you sound it out slowly, you'll get it. This was our family mantra when I was back home last month. It basically means: I don't care, you fucker you. It's what you say when you're not gonna let ANYTHING bother you. Your car dies, your finances suck, someone tries to broadside you while you're in your nasty panties, you're 45 years old.."Oh yeah? Well, I don't care you fucker you! I laughed so hard, I cried. And then I called my sister and told her how much I loved her, and we laughed together.

When Nancy showed up, Charlie was not far behind her. He apparantely had taken off work early, and he informed me, (after I told him that I thought he'd forgotten), that he had made reservations to surprise me. But by the time he'd finally called, I was already about to enjoy my first drink at the pub. He said I should know better, that he would never forget. Ah well, I was at my favorite place, with my favorite people, and soon, a couple of more favorite people would arrive. Charlie gave me a card with a one dollar bill enclosed and a beautiful sentiment about how I could "redeem" that dollar when we got home. Uh-huh. "We'll see." I winked at him. I know it hasn't been easy, but I do miss him. I miss us. Still, it was fun to laugh about our lack of "fun time" lately with all of the crap going on in our world. It's understandable, but dammit, relief is in order!

When our friends Ron and Henry arrived, the party just continued. For HOURS, we sat on the patio; ate, drank, and laughed. The servers brought over some birthday shots, and I was feeling the love. There's something about those shots with deliciously anatomical names that just sets the party mood. When it was time to go, Ron intercepted the bill and Charlie and Henry started throwing money at him, and he shoo-ed them away. The problem is, he shoo'ed them away BEFORE he looked at the bill. Now remember, Nancy, Charlie, and I were there for 2 hours before Ron arrived. While we were waiting, Charlie enjoyed a couple plates of oysters and scallops, Nancy and I shared an appetizer sampler platter, quite a few drinks were downed, and then of course, Ron and Henry arrived hungry and ordered more food, oblivious to the fact that we had been on a tour of the menu first. Until of course, the bill arrived. I think Ron had a small coronary when he actually took a look at the monstrous bill. Even then, he refused to take any contribution toward that beast. So Ron-O, thank you my friend, I love you very much. Even without you picking up the tab, you know my birthday just wouldn't have been my birthday without you there. I think you know that you are one of the most treasured gifts of my life. One of the best things that happened to me when I married your friend, is that I got you as part of the package.

So we said our goodnights, gave our goodbye hugs and kisses, and headed home. Since we arrived in separate cars, I had time to reflect on the evening and smiled. I also thought ahead about redeeming my birthday dollar with Charlie when I got home, and I smiled more. When I got home, Charlie was already lounging on the bed, and kids were coming in and our of our bedroom to ask how my birthday was and giving me their own birthday hugs. As much as I wanted to talk to them, I wanted to get moving to the rest of the "presents" and tried to move them out. After all, it was late and they had school tomorrow *wink* *wink*. They said their goodnights to Charlie and Averie was the last one out the door, grabbing Ellie Belly on the way. As she exited, Charlie said to her "Don't forget about the licorice."


Averie looked at me, and I looked over at Charlie.....who was now snoring. It appeared he was talking in his sleep. Averie started to laugh, left the room saying "Yeah Daddy, I'll go get that licorice right now..." and Charlie woke himself with one of his own snore-snorts. It was pretty obvious that my fuck-buck redemption opportunity had expired. Hmmm..what can I say? "Aino'kea, you fakka you!"

I wonder what Auburn Pisces is doing this weekend? :)


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