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The High Priestess brings laughter from George Carlin:

1. If you take an Oriental person &spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

30. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

Because we can't have too many laughs.

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Which [Rainbow Colours] are you?

Oh wonderful...I'm the Great Pumpkin.

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"Quick and easy blogging"...so says Jason

Because I'm so inept at this Blogger thing, and don't quite understand all the ins and outs. I mean, for chrissake, three months of my life are here (I have done quite a lot of blogging since April 14, 2003), yet the link on the Tinman's blog for The High Priestess has lost all that time. Therefore, I'm the only one lucky enough to see it. I suppose that's ok. Feeling pretty invisible these days anyway.

Angels laid him away....

I know that the inimitable Mr. Garcia didn't pen the words himself. But I do know that I love his version of Louis Collins the best. I don't know why that comes to mind other than a jumble of things; ladies wearing red at a funeral comingled with the idea of The Red Hat Society. I suppose I should be thrilled that I'm not eligible to even wear a red hat yet (small blessing). That and the idea of funerals in general. The world, in its immensity, is still a very small place. As I was talking to Monique last night about goings on in our lives and the idea of having been to 5 funerals in 7 months and mentioning that we had just been to Mrs. Maher's...she lost it. Monique is not a person prone to tears. But she started telling me how her personal assistant and she were in Toronto last week and her assistant got a call from California that she must return home. Her best friend's mother had just been killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Turns out her assistant's best friend is Richard Maher. Richard Maher is the younger brother of Charlie's friend Dondi. Dondi and Richard are the sons of Nora Teresa Maher. Monique hadn't made the connection of how she knew the name Maher, until I mentioned to her that the Maher home is where Charlie and I got married. In Nora's beautiful garden. The tears came because here she'd made this connection, and she had called to tell me that our own friend Carol Glass's sister Debbie is on her deathbed as we were speaking. Why? Can someone please tell me why? Even if you could tell me, I'm not really sure it would be a good enough reason. So, I'll content myself to be a Deadhead for the moment and listen to my friend Jerry sing about 'ole Louis Collins...and reminisce about happier times.

Talking to myself and feeling low. Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothing ever seems to fit....

So, finally, the long-awaited meeting with the pastoral staff. After all that's gone on in the f*&ked-up lives of Charlie and Renee in the last 7 months, you would think there would be some breathing room. Although there have been some really great moments of comic relief (last night was a classic...ask the Tinman and Pickle Girl about pink energy drinks) provided by the offspring. After a conversation with Ave about how Batman is behind in his family "legacy" of having impregnated someone by the time he's 20 (Kudos to you Batman!) and how in my eyes, he's a walking miracle standing in the face of generations of "trickle down effect", I thought to myself..."Hey, I'm a damn miracle myself! And Charlie's a miracle! Geez, I should be thrilled that my kids aren't anxious to leave the nest. It MUST be an ok place to be, despite those "Don't you roll your eyes up at me, and don't walk away when I'm talking to you" days.

For all the crap we've been through, here we are, trying to stand between our kids and the scriptural horror of "the sins of the father being visited upon the son." I think we've done ok in that respect. I mean, seriously, you CAN'T raise such amazing kids if you're the piece of trash you've been brainwashed into believing you are. If you're a liar, a deceiver, a person of no character, no integrity, can you then raise really great human beings? Can you? We'll give big points to inherent goodness for people like Bobby, Charlie, and me. But when it comes down to procreating and raising a person of value, there has GOT to be more than just a pat on the back. You gotta put down your baggage and throw away the crap and pick out new luggage. Designer luggage. Custom made. All brand new. The A, B, and C Designer line is completely original. NOT my mother and father's line, NOT his mother and father's line, it's OURS alone. For whatever flaws the line has, and there just aren't many, there are a myriad of reasons that this particular line will be a best-seller. It IS the finest quality. Handcrafted, well-loved, an heirloom legacy. No one can ever take THAT away. Ever.

At the last of the five funerals, I wept and thought to myself what a great loss this is. A beautiful woman, a much loved wife and mother, an amazing soul. And Charlie and I both commented about the contrast between the 200 to 300 people filling the church for Nora Teresa Gonzalez Maher, and the lack of that for Jimmy Lee Huffine. As the mass went on, I could feel so many things; sadness, reminisence of childhood cathecism, familiarity of worship by rote, corpus christi communion, and then joy. When the celebrant (priest) said that he could imagine that when God saw Nora coming He said, "Well done, thy good and faithful Nora...well done." I haven't stepped into a church and felt joy in a long damn time. But I felt them this time. I buried my face in Charlie's suit jacket and felt his arm hold me tight. There is no question that she will be missed and there will be a hole; a HUGE, gaping hole, where Nora Maher once lived. But like Petey Smith, her life was CELEBRATED by those who adored her. We want them back, but if we cannot have them, let their loving memories stay with us. When it is my time, I pray that what I leave behind are loving memories, and that the heirloom legacy that I left here will go on to create fonder memories because Charlie and I existed. Because we loved where love was difficult, because we cared when care was scarce, because we showed them how to return that and gave them a safe place to be. Because in a thankless job, someone still wanted the work and took the position and gave 110%.

Yesterday, I got the love letter of love letters. It's an amazing feeling to know that you are loved and appreciated by the man you choose to spend your life with. When it is about the relationship between the two of you, it's one thing. But when it is adoration or admiration for your place in a legacy, it's icing on the cake. I love cake....

Hi Pua,

Thanks for the Times obituary on Mrs. Maher. While I was reading the obituary, I started thinking about motherhood in general, mostly because of the list of children and friends that were part of, or made part of the Maher family through Mrs. Maher. As I thought about the influence she had been on her kids, I started to think about the influence you have had on our kids. I thought about the conversations that you and I had in the early years of our being together that were related to how we would like to raise our children. The will do's and the won't do's of raising kids, the want to do's and the need to do's. We discussed so much about what we wanted to build into our kids lives long before there was ever a hint of a child being on the way. And then, there they were. I was also reflecting back on the changes that were made in our lives, but mostly your life, to accommodate these new members of our family. I thought about all of the work you did to prepare for them, the changes you made with regard to a career and how your personal aspirations were put on hold so you could care for our babies. Wow! And then you went to work on raising our children. In thinking about all that you have done on their behalf, all that you put aside for them, all that you gave up to be there to add value and character to each of their lives, it became all too apparent to me once again, what a wonderful and dedicated mother you have been. You have done so much for them even if they don't always know it. And you have also, as Mrs. Maher did, added to our family through your love and the open arms you have extended to their friends. A woman that puts her children before herself, before all others, and even before her relationship with her husband ( if necessary) is truly a woman to look up to, to love, and to desire. A woman like this should have the praise and admiration of all of those that surround her. In this time of reflection, I again realize what a fortunate man I am and have been. I also realized how few the praises have been that have been directed to you because of our family circumstances and circle of friends. I know your heart must long to hear the words, "well done daughter, friend, sister, loved one." And you deserve to hear them because you have done well. You have done very well, you have made a difference, and your efforts have been true, sacrificial, and noted. I am sorry that there just haven't been enough praises to help you understand that it is true. Thank you for all that you have done as a mother and a wife. I love you and want you to know that I'm proud of all that you have done, especially when you consider how much baggage that had to be shed and how many changes that had to be made for this to have been possible. You have turned around a generation and have given your kids a foundation to build on. I love you. And I thank you with a grateful and full heart.

Charlie


Thank you for the cake, Chooch. I couldn't have done it without you.

As for the pastoral meeting...if I must face the accusor for peace to return to me, I can do that. I can do it because I have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of. Joy comes from within. How can I have an empty heart when I have "cake" like this? :o)

Finally, a quiz that appeals to my "lazy" nature and pleases me aesthetically!


a


coast
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Some Joy for me.

Enough already!

Uncle! I really can't take much more. Today marks the FIFTH time this year we've had to deal with death and funerals. Enough, I say. It's time for some joy. Please?

Appropriately "Motherly"...


EARTH is your chinese symbol!


What Chinese Symbol Are You?
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If only...


You excel at Defense Against the Dark Arts. Which
is really good because who knows when you'll
run into that disgruntled troll or banshee going
through menopause.


Which Class at Hogwarts Would You Excel at?
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If this were true, I venture to say that disgruntled trolls and menopausal banshees would be in great big trouble. I'd get to be like Batman and say..."justice is served." But then I wake up.

Paikea fulfills her destiny...

As a woman with a deep cultural, multi-thiestic, and male dominated background, I could see so much of my own world in Paikea's struggle. To stand up against leaders and a thousand years of cultural tradition to fulfill the destiny of your people (Paikea's destiny per se, not my own). A belief system steeped in many gods over "one true God" and the ensueing battle of faith. The difficulty of loving the unloveable because you know that their own angst is also from those many many years of striving for independence. The Whale Rider is beautiful. Hard to take at some times, but worth it. In some ways, it was a very familiar visit to another island, long ago, without the beautiful accents. :o)

I walked out of the dark theater into the bright world and as I walked, I felt the little silver whale tail dangling against my ankle. A gift from two "daughters." I smiled. How appropriate. You were so right Averie; little hearts would simply not do for me. Thank you Ave and Lyndz.

Nice....but would rather trade with the fairy for "beautiful body AND soul"...


You are Ephiny, the proud amazon queen (well, when
Gabrielle is gone, anyway). You are a
traditional and skilled fighter who has a high
threshold for pain (first ceasarian section
after Ceasar himself, impressive). You go for
a man (yes amazons go for men) who has long
hair, strong legs and is an animal in and out
of the sack (if you can FIT into the
sack...hung like a what...riding bareback
what...) You are a born leader and your
friends come to you for advice. You live for
your sisters and your child, and they survive
because of that. Word of advice, watch out for
Romans.


What character from Xena: Warrior Princess are you?
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An Amazon Queen and a Pirate Captain walked into a bar.....

"Round Here....something radiates..."

Sad.
Counting Crows tonight.
No ticket. No Adam.
Sad Me.

"Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Avast me hearties, Yo Ho!"

I don't care what any of you say or think about me; I love him. And I'm entitled to my lust. I've earned it. Just as Averie is entitled to be the HP know-it-all of the universe, Bobby; the authority on spandex and cape encrusted super-heroes, Mary; the afficionado of sprites, forest dwellers and other such enchanted beings, I allow myself to be completely and utterly enraptured in Depp-dom.

Yes, I know, it's a completely Disneyish, romanticized view of what in reality was a horrid lifestyle. I'm not quite sure I could ever get THAT close to teeth that look like that and I imagine that pirates would probably smell like dead cod left in a fermenting pit for weeks on end (perhaps worse). But God, he's a swaggeringly beautiful offering to the female consumer. Make no doubt about it, Disney, despite what could be considered an attempt at cheap laughs and hokey exploitation, has hit paydirt. A windfall of delightfully cheesy adolescent familiarity, and guess what? We, the public, do not mind in the least! If the "X" on my treasure map leads me to Capt. Jack Sparrow (ok ok so I had something else on my mind..bite me), then I say, "Aye Aye!"

And to the critics who get paid to write drivel....this unemployed mom did a better job than you did and she's on her way to see it again. In a ghostly heartbeat. So there.

Which way is up?

So I report to the new job after so much family emotion and disarray, only to find that I'm drowning in a pit of confusion. The guy that's supposed to train me is on vacation this week, leaving me to flounder. They stuck me in a corner with a beta fish in a bowl and said, "welcome to the company", and then just left me alone with a stack of stuff to do and no one to show me HOW to do it. Every single program in the system is password protected, so I can't even give myself a tutorial, AND no one has the time to show me how to do what I'm supposed to do. Everytime I ask a question about something, I get the response..."Oh yeah, I'll show you that in just a second." But "just a second" never comes. Finally, they hand me someone's check to calculate and it turns out this person is salary, has every friggin benefit possible that has to be retro'd, and it's WAY the hell over my pointed head. I can't win. I'm useless, worthless. In the words of The Tinman, "Fuck Math." I'm gonna go sell chocolate covered cherries at Harry and David's or some other trained monkey work. ::::sigh:::: Why does everything have to be so damn hard?