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Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Ladies Doth Protest Too Much

Lately, Caris and I have taken to watching Jeopardy together.  No, this isn't something new to the family.  It's a bit of a tradition around here.  If you're home at 7:00, you venture to the living room for a rousing bit of trivia.  So much a tradition, that The Grommet even bought the family the home version of the television hit as a Christmas gift.  Yes, we love Jeopardy.

Well, most of us love Jeopardy.  Caris isn't that much of a fan, but she enjoys the family bonding that comes with a good heckling party.  Okay, maybe she just loves the heckling part.  What we all have in common however, is a mutual disdain for Alex Trebek.  The usual banter starts after that first commercial break, when Alex has a short conversation with each contestant and we all groan through it.  Not just because Alex is the king of condescension, but also because the stories are in Caris's words; "A bore-snore."  We readily agree that if any contestant, in the history of our family Jeopardy time, were ever a guest on Graham Norton's Red Chair segment, every single one of them would get summarily ejected.

More often than not during the show, Caris has her attention on her laptop, or she's going through a book for homework.  But if there's a catagory that she likes, she may give the game a bit more of her attention.  If she gets the occassional answer here or there, she's always quite surprised, though I don't know why.  She's smarter than she gives herself credit for.   I often tell her that her brain is gleaning information even if her attention isn't 100 percent in the game, like an information sponge.  My sponge just happens to sop up countless bits of useless information, then holds on to it hoping to be able to spew it out at just the right time.  Which is usually during Jeopardy or at pub quiz.

You'll be surprised to know, however, that this post is NOT about Jeopardy.  It's about an insurance commercial during a break between rounds.  As Caris is saying, for the 100th time; "How do you know this shit?  I mean seriously, how do you know all this shit?", and I'm about to respond, I hear from the tv:

Guy in commercial: (dressed as a knight)  "I doth declare that thou hast brought over many discounts to thine customers."

I stop and think for a moment.

Pua:  "I doth declare?"  Did he just say "I doth declare?"

Caris:  "Yes, why?"

Pua:  "That sounds wrong."

Caris:  "I doth declare.  (shrugging shoulders)  Sounds right to me.  You can doth declare something."

At which she goes into a soliloquy of "dothing".  She "doth declares" the candy she's eating and the tea she's drinking and the couch she's sitting on.  Which sends me into fits of laughter and I begin to join her in the dothing of this and that. 

Just then Charlie walks into the room.

Charlie:  (shaking head)  "I doth declare that anything thou might have learnt on Jeopardy this night is hereby negated due to all of this dothing."

Pua:  (still laughing at Caris who is still "doth declaring")  Huh?

Charlie:  If your brain sponges soaked up anything smart from Jeopardy tonight, that commerical just squeezed it out.

And as he walked away he said; "I doth declare."


Blogger Marc said...

You were right and the idiot commercial writer was wrong. He should have used something like "I herewith (or hereby) declare..." Now, if he were using a pronoun such as "he" or "she," or "the Lady" or "the Lord" instead of "I," then "doth" would be correct. "Doth" is the modern English equivalent of "does,", so "I does declare" might get her some street cred, but no grammar cred! :-)

5:00 PM  
Blogger Pua; Bakin' and Tendin' Bar said...

Oh Bokey....I just love you~!

6:38 PM  

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