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Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Enough. Enough now.

One of my favorite movies of all time is "Love Actually." Don't give me a hard time. I love it. It makes me smile so much. It has actually replaced some of my favorite holiday movies at Christmastime. It gives me that warm, happy feeling that you equate with a sense of well-being. That, and I'm a soppy and complete hopeless romantic. But this isn't about that right now.

Yesterday, I was watching that scene with Mark and Juliet. You know the one. He's loved her from afar, she married his best friend, she thinks he doesn't like her, he shows up at her door with cue cards explaining his unrequited affection for her. After he's delivered his message and is walking away from her door, he utters these three words: "Enough. Enough now."

That pretty much hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. I can't sit in this crappy ME-World anymore. It's time to move on, and believe me, I'm trying. I've decided to make a list every morning; "3 Doable Things". They aren't outrageous, they might seem silly to some, but to me, they have to remain completely within my realm of reality. I need to be gentle with myself right now. I can't push too hard. But I DO need to push. I'm going to be very vulnerable right now and post my list for yesterday and my list for today:

Today, (Monday) I will:
1. Get dressed before noon. (Includes brushing teeth & hair)
2. Take Ellie to vet.
3. Limit FB checks to 3.

Today, (Tuesday) I will:
1. Get dressed before noon. (Includes brushing teeth & hair)
2. Organize mess on desk.
3. Sort laundry mountain.

It might not seem like much. But it is. The fact is, I know that if I can get through these three small things each day, it may just set momentum and keep me going. Perhaps the chaos that I have let grow around me during my funk; my disasterously unkempt house, my laundry mountain, my horribly disorganized office...perhaps I can work through these. Maybe, just maybe, I can move away from Crazytown, one step at a time. I don't know, but I have to try. Mark's words have become my new mantra. Enough. Enough NOW.