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Tuesday, August 09, 2011

A Brain Fart With A Lasting "Scent"

At Christmas, Averie mentioned that she asked for a Kindle, which her boyfriend was happy to buy for her. I had long been toying with the idea of "crossing over" into the e-book world. But I have been one of those "haters". I love books. I love the feel of them, the scent of them, the weight of them on my chest when I fall asleep reading and they plop down there. I'm sure I cited all of these things because truly, I jealously wanted one. But I knew that it would be a frivolous expense. An unnecessary luxury. A desire, not a need.

Averie had a good reason to want one. She HAS to read as part of her job and carrying around stacks of books and scripts is just not practical OR healthy. I, however, had no true good reason, other than that I am a bit tired of the book clutter and dust gathering on the MANY bookshelves in my bedroom and garage. Every once in awhile, when we would have the opportunity to travel, I would wish that I could decide on just ONE of the books I was reading so that my bag wasn't so damn heavy. Still, with all my famous author friends having books published, I can hardly ask them to sign my Kindle. Am I right FARB and Ricker? Yeah. Exactly.

My anti-ebook campaign lasted exactly from Christmas, when I first held Averie's Kindle in my hands, to Mother's Day, when my husband steered me from the Best Buy mobile phones (where my phone was being rebooted) over to their electronic book display. Yes, I drooled a little. I coveted. I imagined the ability to read my smutty, Victorian romances without guilt, embarrassment, or worrying about covering the scantily clad vixens and Fabios on the cover. Sure, sure. It's okay to walk around proudly showing off that you're reading Tina Fey's "Bossypants", Michael Palin's "The Python Years", or FARB's "Straight Lies". But I certainly don't want people knowing that I enjoy the thought of having my voluptuous bosom released from the bondage of my whalebone corset whilst being ravaged in a field of clover by some dashing Colonel Brandon. Actually, the truth is that I just don't want to be bothered while I'm being bothered. And so, rescued by my own personal knight; Sir Charles, I happily left the store with a brand new Kindle and BONUS!...a Kindle cover as well. So sue me, take away my library card, and call me a traitor. I don't really care anymore. I can be both an e-booker AND a book lover. It can happen.

Even though we live just a few blocks from Best Buy, I cannot wait and once in the car, I begin tearing through the packaging on my new passport to adventures. I am ooo-ing and ahhh-ing like a child at Christmas. Yeah, kinda like Averie did when she opened HER Kindle. I'm holding it up and showing it to Charlie, he's driving and smiling, content in knowing that I am thrilled with my gift. I unwrap the cover and slide the Kindle into it, running my hands over the sensuous texture, taking in the scent of new leather. The whole experience is almost magically erotic. Then, I notice it and squeal with excitement. There, on the cover, a little elastic band with attached tab! Well, those Amazon folk have thought of EVERYTHING!

"Honey, look! A bookmark! They've even given me a bookmark!"

Charlie turns toward me and momentarily cocks his head with a combined look of half "You're joking, right?" and half "Honey, PLEASE tell me you're joking!" He doesn't say a word, he just raises his eyebrows, smiles, and turns back toward his driving. I'm dumbfounded by his lack of enthusiasm, but non-plussed, I return my attention to my Kindle cover. I close the pretty cover over the ebook and happily pull the elastic bookmark over the cover where it rests perfectly into the grove on the front, holding it closed.

"Wow! Look at that! The bookmark holds the.....OH...uh...."

That's when my husband can't hold it in anymore and starts laughing so hard, he misses the fact that the light turned green and the guy behind us honks.

"Oh, shut up and drive."

That was three months ago. Now, every night, when I'm done reading and I close my Kindle, Charlie says; "Don't forget to use your bookmark so you don't lose your place, Honey."

"Oh, shut up and turn off the light."