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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I wish you knew me.

I'm sad. I have staved off the "monster" for quite a long time. Which is real good for me. Unfortunately, he's back, and right now I just don't have the energy to fight him. I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me. I feel sideswiped. Mostly, I feel hurt and the worst part is that I feel like I've got nowhere to go with all this stuff I'm feeling. I can't even write about it because it wouldn't be the right thing to do in this case. Which makes me chuckle a little bit because even when I'm sad, hurt, or mad, and need my writing therapy, I think about someone else's feelings and would never hurt someone by writing about how they've hurt me. At least not here. Then again, I don't think they read my blog anyway even though they have access to it. If they did, maybe they'd know me better. Oh, how I wish they would know me better. Really KNOW me. For me, not being able to write about something is like, well, it's like being in a straightjacket. That hurts me even more than the reason I can't write about it. The way I cope is by writing. In this case, I don't even have that.

I'm at a loss.