Well Done, Thy Good and Faithful Mom

We spent Saturday evening at the Starks. Joe and Danna have been our friends since the beginning of time. Our time anyway. Actually, Charlie and Joe have known each other since they were 4 or 5. Joe was Charlie's best man and vice versa. Danna was one of my bridesmaids. They also have 3 kids, all boys; Britt is 16, (though he's 6'5" and looks to be 18 or 19), Blake is 13, and Taylor is 10.

These boys are awesome. Sometimes, and I know this sounds bad, but hear me out...sometimes you just can't help but wonder what the heck some of your friends are thinking in raising their children. We have some other friends, whom we completely adore, who also have three boys; The Neighbors. John and Martha Neighbor have been wonderful friends to us. We get along so well, we have wonderful times together, I LOVE their family and we're always included in their HUGE family gatherings. But, we disagree vehemently on how to raise children. They have always thought that Charlie and I were "too strict" and WAY too naive. They told us we were stupid if we thought that our kids didn't lie to us, and that more than likely, they at this age, were already drinking, smoking, having sex, and partying...we just didn't know it and they weren't telling us. They overcompensate for their lack of disciplinary actions by sending their boys to private parochials schools, thinking that the money they pay for tuition will somehow help them to "raise better people". We've done the public AND private school thing and NOTHING compensates for lack of parenting. You gotta be INVOLVED in your kids lives, and you can't always be their friends. They have friends, they need parents. John often buys beer for his boys and lets them throw giant parties at his house while Martha is away. Their oldest has been in trouble with the law on BOTH sides of the border and he's not yet 21. If one of their sons wrecks his car, they help him buy a new one. They have never put up a united front when it comes to discipline and because they waivered, the boys would always run roughshod over them and do it still to this day. I wouldn't trust my dog with those boys, let alone leave my daughters in the same room with them. Their morals are lacking, they drink and party to excess, they're spoiled rotten, completely shallow, and though I know they would never hurt my kids and would protect them like older brothers if needed, they're just not the kind of guys you would want your daughter to date. Fortunately, my girls wouldn't WANT to date them. Yet, their parents are probably Charlie's and my closest friends. That's quite a predicament. You love your friends, but absolutely HATE their parenting, and really don't care much for their children. Charlie and I have always agreed that it's best not to give advice about parenting..unless you're asked. Then, we're gonna tell you exactly what we think. The thing is, The Neighbors have NEVER asked, and so we've always had to bite our tongues in their presence. Now all these years have gone by and John and Martha have had to deal with some BIG problems with their boys and John will often shake his head and say to me, "Wow, you guys were right all this time and look how wonderful your kids are. Guess we should have paid more attention." Those are heartbreaking words in the parenting world. Not for us. For them.

And then there's the Starks. I love them. I have always loved them. All of them. Joe and Danna have done a great job with their boys. They're respectful, funny, talented, they don't have any trouble socializing with any age group. When we're with them, we laugh, giggle, talk, and totally enjoy each other's company. I think the biggest difference is for the kids. We don't tend to get together with The Neighbors much as families. Their boys are off in their own worlds, and our girls are now old enough that when I say, "Hey, we're going over to The Neighbor's for a barbeque." They say "Ummm, I think I'll pass." But, if we say, "Hey, we're going over to The Starks for dinner." We get responses like, "YES!!, I LOVE Aunt Danna and Uncle Joe! When are we going???!!!" and "Sweet! Foosball with Blake and Tay!" Even Averie, who is 18 and really isn't "required" to attend family dinners at friends any longer, still loves to go to the Starks. It's always so easy and so fun and just feels SO good.

We ended up staying WAY longer than we ever would stay at someone's house. It just seemed that the time flew by. We went walking through their neighborhood and looking at the Christmas decorations and lights. Carolers came by. I've never seen traffic like that through a residential neighborhood and I've never really seen a whole neighborhood that got so INTO the Holiday spirit. Bryson, Taylor, and Blake rode skooters and bikes and disappeared together, collecting candy canes. Caris, Averie, Britt, and Britt's girlfriend Allison, all walked in a group, talking and visiting. Charlie, Joe, Danna, and I caught up on life while we strolled along. We got back to the house and the kids all snuggled up on the family room couches by a fire and watched The Grinch. Soon, the younger ones were snoozing on the couches, and the older ones were watching SNL. We had coffee and talked well past midnight.

When it was time to go, the boys came up to hug Charlie and I, one by one. Just as our kids were hugging and thanking Joe and Danna and the boys. Britt said as he hugged me, "Merry Christmas Aunt Nay" (Renee is my given name). It was a wonderful feeling. As I embraced Danna, mom to mom, friend to friend, I whispered in her ear, "Your boys are SO awesome. You and Joe have done such a terrific job." She whispered back, "Coming from you, with yours, that's the best compliment anyone can get." We looked at each other and smiled. What better thing can one mom say to another? It makes everything worthwhile.