The High Priestess is Awed...
Since I've been out of the workworld for 7 months, I honestly haven't socialized much outside of the regular circle. Ron, Charlie, and I usually meet at the pub at least once a week to "debrief". Sometimes, Gordon or Hank will show up, and on the very happy occasion for me, Chasity might pop in. But for the most part, as I've mentioned before, it's usually Ron, Charlie, and me.
I love these nights. I look forward to them. It's great to have that special place where everyone really does know your name and they have your drink waiting for you when they see you walk in the door. Ok, so to some that could be a little embarrassing....like you have to make some excuse and explain that you don't have a drinking problem. That it really is because you like the place, the company, the time away from the ordinary. It's therapy and escape from a sometimes really f'ed up world.
I guess my point in bringing that up is that we went to a surprise birthday party for a friend last night. I was excited when we got the invitation because I do really care for this lady. She and her husband have been good friends to us and their kids are great. We have a lot of history together. We met this couple when their daughter Devin, and Averie were in preschool together and through the years we've gone to the same church (they still attend, we don't), our kids have played in the same soccer leagues, we've been involved in YMCA Mother-Daughter events, we've gone camping together, shared mutual friends, and as our kids have grown together, our friendship has grown. We don't see each other much, but always consider them great people. So, I actually looked forward to attending this party. That is until I started overthinking....
I knew that there would be a lot of people there from the church that we used to attend. Those of you that know us, know that Charlie and I used to be very much involved in our church. That is until 1998, when we went away to the midwest for Charlie to attend seminary. It didn't turn out to be the great experience that we had anticipated, in fact, it was horrible. In one respect, it was an experience that I'm grateful for because it opened my eyes to a lot of things that I ignored before. But in other ways, it made me see how judgemental and bigoted people can be and didn't want to be a part of that. I've had to learn that people, no matter how wonderful they are, can still have this ugliness in them when it comes to religion. I've had to learn that there's a difference between the love of people, which is fallable, and the love of God, (or any higher power you choose to believe in) which is always meant to edify and not to harm. I've had to learn that there is a big difference between the true essence of the spiritual relationship and "religion". I don't consider myself religious. I do, however, consider myself spiritual. And I've come to the place in my life where I'm very comfortable with that. I embrace diversity and in that respect, my purpose is to personify love and acceptance. When we came back from the midwest without having finished seminary, our church pretty much looked at us as failures and made us feel that way. I describe it as being disowned. So, I disowned them back.
As I expected, there were quite a lot of people from church there. They were cordial and extended niceties. We were, as we always are, friendly. I had to remind myself that I wasn't there for them, I was there to celebrate a special day for my friend. Interestingly enough, I found that even though she wasn't there, Averie was my "rescuer" when I began to feel uncomfortable. It seems that everyone who approached us had seen her on the Ellen DeGeneres show and they all wanted to talk with us about it...and they were quite excited to do so. The discomfort left, and one after another, people approached us with their excitement over Averie's appearances on the show and how they had followed the segments over the weeks. Even the kids that she had gone to youth group with and grown up with, who weren't necessarily kind to her over the years because she didn't fit into their "cliques" were interested in how Averie's "luck" in getting picked for the show came about. We ended up staying longer than we would have and I didn't have to use my safety word with Charlie (we whisper "avocado" to each other when either of us is ready to leave. Don't ask, it's a long story).
When we got home, Averie and Caris were interested in knowing how it went and I told them. Averie said something that I found very profound. She said, "Isn't it funny Mommy, how they are so interested in us now that something like this has happened...but before, they wouldn't give me the time of day." I thought on that for a minute and smiled about it. Then I said, "Yes, it's true. It's called conditional love. But I'll tell you this much, whatever it was, Daddy and I had a great time talking about it with them. Whether you knew it or not, you took the anxiety of being there away for me. So thank you." She smiled and said, "I didn't really do anything, but you're welcome."
The party was fun and it was a wonderful celebration for a really nice lady. But, the best part was coming home and sharing the events with the girls. Now.....can we go to the pub?
Since I've been out of the workworld for 7 months, I honestly haven't socialized much outside of the regular circle. Ron, Charlie, and I usually meet at the pub at least once a week to "debrief". Sometimes, Gordon or Hank will show up, and on the very happy occasion for me, Chasity might pop in. But for the most part, as I've mentioned before, it's usually Ron, Charlie, and me.
I love these nights. I look forward to them. It's great to have that special place where everyone really does know your name and they have your drink waiting for you when they see you walk in the door. Ok, so to some that could be a little embarrassing....like you have to make some excuse and explain that you don't have a drinking problem. That it really is because you like the place, the company, the time away from the ordinary. It's therapy and escape from a sometimes really f'ed up world.
I guess my point in bringing that up is that we went to a surprise birthday party for a friend last night. I was excited when we got the invitation because I do really care for this lady. She and her husband have been good friends to us and their kids are great. We have a lot of history together. We met this couple when their daughter Devin, and Averie were in preschool together and through the years we've gone to the same church (they still attend, we don't), our kids have played in the same soccer leagues, we've been involved in YMCA Mother-Daughter events, we've gone camping together, shared mutual friends, and as our kids have grown together, our friendship has grown. We don't see each other much, but always consider them great people. So, I actually looked forward to attending this party. That is until I started overthinking....
I knew that there would be a lot of people there from the church that we used to attend. Those of you that know us, know that Charlie and I used to be very much involved in our church. That is until 1998, when we went away to the midwest for Charlie to attend seminary. It didn't turn out to be the great experience that we had anticipated, in fact, it was horrible. In one respect, it was an experience that I'm grateful for because it opened my eyes to a lot of things that I ignored before. But in other ways, it made me see how judgemental and bigoted people can be and didn't want to be a part of that. I've had to learn that people, no matter how wonderful they are, can still have this ugliness in them when it comes to religion. I've had to learn that there's a difference between the love of people, which is fallable, and the love of God, (or any higher power you choose to believe in) which is always meant to edify and not to harm. I've had to learn that there is a big difference between the true essence of the spiritual relationship and "religion". I don't consider myself religious. I do, however, consider myself spiritual. And I've come to the place in my life where I'm very comfortable with that. I embrace diversity and in that respect, my purpose is to personify love and acceptance. When we came back from the midwest without having finished seminary, our church pretty much looked at us as failures and made us feel that way. I describe it as being disowned. So, I disowned them back.
As I expected, there were quite a lot of people from church there. They were cordial and extended niceties. We were, as we always are, friendly. I had to remind myself that I wasn't there for them, I was there to celebrate a special day for my friend. Interestingly enough, I found that even though she wasn't there, Averie was my "rescuer" when I began to feel uncomfortable. It seems that everyone who approached us had seen her on the Ellen DeGeneres show and they all wanted to talk with us about it...and they were quite excited to do so. The discomfort left, and one after another, people approached us with their excitement over Averie's appearances on the show and how they had followed the segments over the weeks. Even the kids that she had gone to youth group with and grown up with, who weren't necessarily kind to her over the years because she didn't fit into their "cliques" were interested in how Averie's "luck" in getting picked for the show came about. We ended up staying longer than we would have and I didn't have to use my safety word with Charlie (we whisper "avocado" to each other when either of us is ready to leave. Don't ask, it's a long story).
When we got home, Averie and Caris were interested in knowing how it went and I told them. Averie said something that I found very profound. She said, "Isn't it funny Mommy, how they are so interested in us now that something like this has happened...but before, they wouldn't give me the time of day." I thought on that for a minute and smiled about it. Then I said, "Yes, it's true. It's called conditional love. But I'll tell you this much, whatever it was, Daddy and I had a great time talking about it with them. Whether you knew it or not, you took the anxiety of being there away for me. So thank you." She smiled and said, "I didn't really do anything, but you're welcome."
The party was fun and it was a wonderful celebration for a really nice lady. But, the best part was coming home and sharing the events with the girls. Now.....can we go to the pub?
posted by Pua; Bakin' and Tendin' Bar | 8:35 AM
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