The High Priestess pegs the milestones...
As I sat on the patio of 57 Calle Los Olivos, looking out at the beautiful blue Pacific; I couldn't help but reflect on the chaos that I would probably be going home to. I feel blessed that Nancy always invites me to come with her to Baja Malibu. It's 2 hours near, but worlds away. Away from hectic paces and races with time. Away from responsibilities, other than making sure there's always ice for my drink. Watching the dolphins surf all day and the cruise ships partying by, I can't help but feel that I could live on this side of the border for the rest of my life. But this is not real. It's just for this moment.
No matter how far away from them I am, the family races through my head on a minute by minute basis. Did Charlie talk to Joe? Did Averie get rides to work and school? How is VB going for Caris? Is Bry doing his homework? I know, of course, that all of these things are being taken care of and that I should just relax. But it's hard. It's my job. It's what I do. I'm the Mom.
So, after four days of Mexican bliss, the Gringas return and reality rears it's ugly head. While I was gone, Charlie's boss got fired, Averie's "Stand-up Guy" joins the Army, Caris has major issues with controlling volleyball coaches, and Bryson is going up and down the birthday party ladder. It's life. It has, as I imagined it would, gone on whether I was present or not.
After one day of being back, Averie has gotten her license to leave. Oh wait, I mean, her driver's license. YAY! Extreme relief coupled with extreme anxiety. A piece of paper that says that she may take the car and drive herself wherever herself needs to go, whenever herself needs to get there. Eighteen years of being the chauffer, and now, she takes herself. It's a "qweird" feeling, as Caris would say. The day I have waited for for so long has arrived, and I'm sick to my stomach! Friday is usually date night, but I was too mopey to leave the house. Couldn't put my finger on why. After vacation letdown? Boredom? Averie got her license? All of the above...me thinketh "yeah."
It's nothing whatsoever to do with my lack of trust. I trust her implicitly. I trust her choices, her friends, her decisions for herself. She's done well thus far, and I'm so proud. I feel we've given her the right tools. It's all of those bastards out there who haven't been given those right tools. The ones who don't make the right choices. The ones who couldn't decide their way out of a paper bag. THEY are the ones that I don't trust. I've worked for 18 long, hard years, not including the nine months of gestation and the 21 hours of labor, to bring this cherished human being to where she is; driver's license and car key in hand. It would take an asshole only seconds to take that away from me. I worry about these things. It's my job. It's what I do. I'm the Mom.
I know these worries will never end. They come with the territory. They, coupled with the joys, the tears, the anxieties, the pride, are all part of the ecosystem of parenting. I know this. I accept it. It doesn't always mean I have to like it. It's not over-protecting, it's not obsessive. I go along with my day, my life, my chores. But always in the back of my head is that little voice that says.."God, be with her when I can't." It goes this way hundreds of times a day. And not just for Averie, but for Caris and Bryson too. For Mary, Celinda, Bobby. I want whomever is in charge of this blue marble to know that these people are precious to me, and I pray they are listening. I don't often feel that I'm heard, but I keep talking.
So, I have to get more and more used, to seeing less and less Averie. I'll deal with it. Milestones are milestones. New ones are coming up. Such as having a strange "new voice" around the house. A voice attached to a now 14 year old GUY that lives here. Happy Birthday Grommet. I love you. Other milestones, such as a soon to be 16 year old who wants to set the acting world on fire. I'll be here for these milestones. Driving them along the road, and then stepping aside and handing them the keys to drive themselves....worrying as they drive away. It's my job. It's what I do. I'm the Mom.
As I sat on the patio of 57 Calle Los Olivos, looking out at the beautiful blue Pacific; I couldn't help but reflect on the chaos that I would probably be going home to. I feel blessed that Nancy always invites me to come with her to Baja Malibu. It's 2 hours near, but worlds away. Away from hectic paces and races with time. Away from responsibilities, other than making sure there's always ice for my drink. Watching the dolphins surf all day and the cruise ships partying by, I can't help but feel that I could live on this side of the border for the rest of my life. But this is not real. It's just for this moment.
No matter how far away from them I am, the family races through my head on a minute by minute basis. Did Charlie talk to Joe? Did Averie get rides to work and school? How is VB going for Caris? Is Bry doing his homework? I know, of course, that all of these things are being taken care of and that I should just relax. But it's hard. It's my job. It's what I do. I'm the Mom.
So, after four days of Mexican bliss, the Gringas return and reality rears it's ugly head. While I was gone, Charlie's boss got fired, Averie's "Stand-up Guy" joins the Army, Caris has major issues with controlling volleyball coaches, and Bryson is going up and down the birthday party ladder. It's life. It has, as I imagined it would, gone on whether I was present or not.
After one day of being back, Averie has gotten her license to leave. Oh wait, I mean, her driver's license. YAY! Extreme relief coupled with extreme anxiety. A piece of paper that says that she may take the car and drive herself wherever herself needs to go, whenever herself needs to get there. Eighteen years of being the chauffer, and now, she takes herself. It's a "qweird" feeling, as Caris would say. The day I have waited for for so long has arrived, and I'm sick to my stomach! Friday is usually date night, but I was too mopey to leave the house. Couldn't put my finger on why. After vacation letdown? Boredom? Averie got her license? All of the above...me thinketh "yeah."
It's nothing whatsoever to do with my lack of trust. I trust her implicitly. I trust her choices, her friends, her decisions for herself. She's done well thus far, and I'm so proud. I feel we've given her the right tools. It's all of those bastards out there who haven't been given those right tools. The ones who don't make the right choices. The ones who couldn't decide their way out of a paper bag. THEY are the ones that I don't trust. I've worked for 18 long, hard years, not including the nine months of gestation and the 21 hours of labor, to bring this cherished human being to where she is; driver's license and car key in hand. It would take an asshole only seconds to take that away from me. I worry about these things. It's my job. It's what I do. I'm the Mom.
I know these worries will never end. They come with the territory. They, coupled with the joys, the tears, the anxieties, the pride, are all part of the ecosystem of parenting. I know this. I accept it. It doesn't always mean I have to like it. It's not over-protecting, it's not obsessive. I go along with my day, my life, my chores. But always in the back of my head is that little voice that says.."God, be with her when I can't." It goes this way hundreds of times a day. And not just for Averie, but for Caris and Bryson too. For Mary, Celinda, Bobby. I want whomever is in charge of this blue marble to know that these people are precious to me, and I pray they are listening. I don't often feel that I'm heard, but I keep talking.
So, I have to get more and more used, to seeing less and less Averie. I'll deal with it. Milestones are milestones. New ones are coming up. Such as having a strange "new voice" around the house. A voice attached to a now 14 year old GUY that lives here. Happy Birthday Grommet. I love you. Other milestones, such as a soon to be 16 year old who wants to set the acting world on fire. I'll be here for these milestones. Driving them along the road, and then stepping aside and handing them the keys to drive themselves....worrying as they drive away. It's my job. It's what I do. I'm the Mom.
posted by Pua; Bakin' and Tendin' Bar | 9:31 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home