Doesn't Fit

I just realized that my blog title doesn't fit anymore. :(

Windex Supreme

I had been concerned lately that I was losing my super powers. But there is no fear of that. I am clearly invisible. Pun intended.

Chocolate Covered FAIL

I've learned that whenever I'm feeling blue, it's good for me to find something positive to do with myself. With Valentine's Day coming up, I knew I wanted to do some small thing for the people in my life. Don't have much money right now, so it can't be much...just a little thought. So, I pulled myself up by the ends of my frown and went "out there".

I had some melting chocolate left over from Christmas truffles, and figured now would be a good time to use those. But what would I use them on? I didn't really want to make more truffles. I'd done that, and though they were a huge success, I wanted to do something different and EASY. Keyword there; EASY. Apparantly, I don't do well with keywords.

As I was walking through the market; an epiphany! Stick with the Oreos, but instead of spending time grinding them to a pulp, why not just cover them whole? Yes! Chocolate covered Oreos! A great idea, and so EASY. You know what's coming, don't you? I bought two packages of Oreos and ran next door to Michael's.

Turns out Michael's was having a sale on all of their candy molds, and I happened to have a coupon, so basically, I got a cookie/candy mold for free. Yep, a candy mold made especially to pop an Oreo into and cover with chocolate. Bonus: the candy mold had hearts on it. Cute overload. I was excited to get home and get started before anyone got home. Oh, how surprised they were going to be when they get a load of how awesomely talented and clever I am. Yeah, yeah. It's my damn story, let me revel in glory for a minute or two.

I go home and start working. Smiling and whistling, my depression from days ago but a memory. At least that part of my plan was successful. The pictures on the candy mold packaging AND other people's pictures of the end result were spectacular. I'm creative. I'm artistic. I can do this!

Three hours, one hundred expletives, an Ellie with red chocolate on her head because she was underfoot and I tripped over her LATER...I decided that I was NEVER going to do this again. Then I remembered that twenty years ago, I made homemade candies for friends and family for Christmas and said the EXACT same words; "NEVERAGAIN!" Yep, I said it all smooshed up together in exasperation, just like that. I had to work fast before Charlie and the kids got home, so I quickly went digging through my craft boxes to find lollipop packaging and ribbon. I had to salvage this travesty. Thank goodness you can't screw up the flavor of chocolate and Oreos. Yeah, these are ugly. But at least the recipient can read the card attached that says; "I love you in a way that is much prettier than these." Then, they can close their eyes and eat them.

These clearly belong in an Amy Sedaris cookbook.

The Hole in My Cup

I'll be honest. I'm really struggling right now. As I look over my FB posts, I can see it. I'm snarky, grumpy, just downright bitchy. I wanna hit something.

Too much hard stuff in too short a time. Got some bad news a few days ago, then more bad news. I know. There have been some great things and I am trying SO hard concentrate on those. But I swear, sometimes I feel like the bad is overwhelming the good. I know. I know all the things I'm "supposed" to do, and think, and feel. But I am almost afraid anymore to have happy moments, because I know, very soon, something really incredibly shitty is going to swoop in. It scares the crap out of me when I think like this.

I had just said to Charlie the day before yesterday that I noticed that I was sleeping better the last couple of weeks. Then last night...BAM! News came that totally f'd me up. I didn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking.

My brother-in-law passed away. He battled long and hard with an illness. My sister wrote how she'd lost her best friend. I can't even tell you how that wrenches at my heart. I know everyone loses someone every day. That doesn't make me think less about how much pain my sister is in. Yes, I feel for everyone, but right now, this is taking over.

We'd just gotten over a massive hump with Jeff. I let out a sigh of relief. Of course, we were overjoyed. But no sooner did that wave of happy pass, when the next shit wave came. A totally different wave from another angle. This is how it's been for months now.

I'm tired. I know it's selfish to feel this way. But I'm really tired. Sometimes, I'm so afraid to allow myself to feel good. Then I remember that people are depending on me. I just need to figure out how to fill my cup faster because that hole in the bottom of it drains quicker than I can fill it. I can't afford the luxury of negative thinking. Too much is at stake. Still, I am really, really tired.