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Friday, September 18, 2009

Hau'oli La Hanau Maikalima

photo courtesy of Brown Hound Photos :)

I woke up at 3:30 am. I don't know why. I lay there listening to Charlie's rhythmic breathing next to me, and the contented sleep-sigh of Ellie at my feet. I was jealous. They were blissfully ignorant of my inability to join them in restful slumber. Dammit. I tossed. I turned. It isn't new, this insomnia thing. It's kinda been this way for months now. I worry about the shop, I worry about the bills, I worry about my husband worrying about the bills. Now, I worry about being unemployed. But that's not it this time. I looked at the clock again; 4:45, tick, tick, tick. And then it hits me...

Twenty-four years ago today, at 4:49 a.m. on a Wednesday morning, after 19 1/2 hours of labor, Charlie and I added to our family:

Averie Joy Maikalima Omakua
7 lbs. 9 oz. 19.5 in.

She was beautiful. Perfect in every way. She turned our twoness into threeness. She made us a family. Her name means "From the hand of the Father", and she was and is our joy. She didn't cry, she just opened her eyes and looked around; surveying her world. It was an indication of things to come. The way that she would function; eyes open, always watching and writing down everything she saw. She has the soul of a poet and an easy laugh. She was my first. My entrance into parenthood. The beginning of what is my continual well of worry, and my constant source of awe. She makes me feel that everything is worth it. I wrote little things she said down and I called them "Averie-isms" and sometimes, I look through that little rememberance and I smile. For all the bad, for all the fuckups, for all the hurt, for every stupid decision I've made in my life, I look at her and know without a doubt that she is part of my reward for hanging in. I did something good. And every night, when she says "I love you Mommy." My heart swells.

One Mother's Day, moons ago, she made a list of some of the reasons she thought I was awesome. I think since it's 4:49 am, and I'm not sleeping anyway, well why not return the favor? These are the Averie things I love:

1. Her favorite number is 42. Douglas Adams and I are proud. :)

2. Instead of thinking I was daft for loving Python comedy, she wink-wink, nudge-nudges right along with me.

3. She's freakin' hilarious and remembers every stand-up routine that ever made me laugh, and always makes me laugh when I need it.

4. She's equally talented and tenacious, and even though she's been let down again and again, she just keeps working at pursuing her dreams.

5. She calls home almost every night to talk to her Daddy, which makes him happy. I love that she adores him, trusts him, and values his opinion.

6. She knows how much I love trivia and feeds me constantly with yummy entertainment info so I can maintain my title of "Trivia Queen".

7. She embraces her heritage; adopting "Kulia I Kanu'u" (Strive for the Highest) as her life mantra and putting it into action.

8. She CHOSE ME to take with her to a "secret" Eddie Izzard show because she knew how much I loved him.

9. She wore the scarves I knitted for her even though a couple of them were my "firsts" and they were really ugly.

10. She's a chip off the old Nerd Blocks. Of the three, she's the one that loves Sci-Fi and comedy (especially British comedy), which makes Charlie and I pretty sure there was no mix-up at the hospital. She's definitely ours.

Happy Birthday Sweet Averie. Thank you for teaching me how to be a mommy.