I Didn't Think It Would Be This Hard

I know it's silly, but I just can't help it. And I thank all of you who've worried, called, emailed, and sent loving hugs from afar. I'm okay. Honest. I'll be back to normal soon. Whatever "normal" is. Right now, however, I'm a bit out of sorts. My eldest child moved out this month.

Yes, I knew this time was coming. So I did have time to prepare. But no matter how prepared you think you may be, it's still not easy when the offspring take flight. Charlie's friends tease me, roll their eyes back and emit little gasps of "Oh Brother, Pua." However, the women in my life are quick to hug me when their question of "How's Averie doing at her dorm?" brings me to tears.

Ellie and I are mopey. She waits in the chair by the door for her friend to come home, stuffed toy at the ready for some playtime. Bryson and Caris still fight over who gets to move into her room. No one gets to, of course, because I remind them that Averie will be back home for the summer. Yet, when I walk by her quiet room, it's almost unbearable. I miss her presence in this house. I miss our coffee talks in the morning. I miss her delight in telling me what her day will bring. I miss how when she walks out the door every morning, she always says "Bye Mommy, I love you."

I try really hard not to pick up the phone 100 times a day to talk to her. I know the first couple of days I must have driven her to the brink of insanity. But, she would never question how much I love her. I'm sitting here blubbering as I type this and I think of what my friend Aub always says about having ovaries of steel. We Moms definitely have those when it comes to protecting our cubs. But right now, mine are mush. And I just miss her.