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Sunday, May 08, 2005

They Call Her "Tutu"

It's Hawaiian for Grandma. She loves her ohana. Demons of the past still haunt her and sometimes she doesn't quite know what she's supposed to do about that. She had 14 children. She tried her best to raise some of them. The rest, she hanai'd ("gifted out") because she thought it was the best thing to do for them.

I grew up believing that she didn't want me. It's what I was led to know. I now know that that was my adopted mom's way of keeping me close, so afraid was she to lose me. I wish she knew that could never happen. But now she's gone and I can't tell her.

I have two mothers. The one who raised me and hid me from the one who gave me life and gave me up. They both mean the world to me in different ways. I know how blessed I am to have found a way to heal some wounds; mine, hers, and a few others along the way. In my effort to find some answers, I found a family. And they're okay with me. Mother's Day has a whole new meaning. I know I'm loved.


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