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Friday, February 11, 2005

Rx: Name Change

Rx: Name Change

I'm sick. Sputtering. Coughing. Sneezing. It's not pretty. The best part about it is (please sense the sarcasm) I have a job interview this morning. In an hour to be exact. And I'm sick. I don't think they'd appreciate it much if I brought the creeping crud to their offices and spread it around. I also don't think they're going to think much of me for calling in sick. I called and explained my predicament. The HR Director could hear without my explanation, and immediately asked if I would like to reschedule. I blessed him. Monday at 10:00. A reprieve.

Earlier this week, Averie and I were having a conversation about jobs, life, love, writing. I live for these morning conversations of ours. A cup of coffee and an easy flow of words with my daughter. I miss them. Monday she took a housesitting job for a family that was going on a South American cruise. She won't be back for a couple of weeks. Well, she'll be back to eat, of course, but she'll (I'll) miss our morning cawfee tawks.

Anyway, before she left, she told me that I really needed to change the name of my blog. When I started blogging, "The Abyss" seemed to fit. I was in the rough, feeling the world was not my friend. I'd walked away from an awesome career, dejected and laid flat by co-worker lies, my self-esteem non-existent, my self-worth nowhere to be found. When I look back and read those first year's worth of entries, I can see the pain, the need to vent, the desire to set the record straight. But more than anything, I can feel the anguish all over again. As I've said before, sometimes it's good to backtrack to see how far you've come.

Ok. I agreed with Averie. It was time to no longer be "A voice in the darkness". Over time, I've peeked my scared little head out of the dark pit and beautiful people have put their hands out to offer me safety. One feather at a time, they gave me new wings so that I could fly again. They loved me, ugly days and all, and told me the zits and bad hair would go away. Slowly, the hurts became less evident, and the joys were easier to find. When I was down, I got calls. When it was my birthday, I got drunken calls and serenades. When I couldn't be there, I was remembered in song. Every single day, I gather NEW hugs around me and think how lucky I am.

I remember once getting an email from Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven, wherein he says "Your entries are like a plate of warm cookies with a side of whiskey to me. Just the right mix of comfort and shenanigans." I saved that because it warmed my heart. I've saved a lot of hugs from afar in my file cabinet AND my heart. I ran it by Averie. She said it couldn't be more perfect. So thank you Toddy. How appropriate that "Warm Cookies" should come from your oven.

Averie began to work on the new "skin" of my blog. We sat and worked on it for hours on Monday, but neither one of us is all that html literate. So the finished product will have to wait. Suffice it to say that I've stepped out of "the bottomless hole". Hopefully, the next time I stumble upon it in my path, I'll step around. There are wonderful people on the other side.


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