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Friday, February 04, 2005

Crazy Love

Crazy, CRAZY Love

I know. It's one of my favorite Van Morrison songs too. But this time, it's less about me and more about Averie. This kid goes above and beyond the call of duty to make me laugh. She's good at it. Yes, I've been down. But she's been right there with a cup of coffee and a willing ear. She is the Princess of Randomness with an emphasis on Levity. Hers is the Kingdom of Mirth. And yes, by making me giggle, she rules supremely and gives me crazy love.

Yesterday, she was doing this funny little dance she does that always makes me smile, but she was performing out of sheer excitement. She landed some tickets for her and her friend Mary to see Dane Cook, who I've been told is supposedly on the list of my prospective son-in-laws. No, Dane isn't aware of that yet, but I'm sure Averie'll find some way to let him know.

This morning, over our usual cuppa, she tells me in dreamlike detail about Dane Cook's funny fabulousness the night before. He apparantly has a routine in which he laments the fact that girls don't like to give head. Personally, I find that an erroneous sweeping generalization, but far be it from me to share that thought with my 19 year-old daughter. Even if I did, all I'd really get in response is; "Mommy, PLEASE!" And now, I'm off-course....that's what happens when I think about BJ's. Sorry.

So, Averie is giving me the routine, word for word, because she is the WALKWoman encyclopedia of comedy, and gets to the punchline where Dane tells his fellatio-challenged girlfriend, "Hey, it's better than a Dirty Sanchez!" Now, I think I'm pretty well informed. And the look on Averie's face once she delivers this line to me is a look that says; "Okay, so tell me what a Dirty Sanchez is Oh Knowledgeable Mother of Mine." But all I can muster is a blank stare:

Averie: So? What's a Dirty Sanchez?

Me: You think I know? How would I know? It sounds like a Margarita gone wrong.

Averie: Oh please. Save the innocent act. You usually know stuff. You're like the Sex Queen or something.

Me: I thank you for the vote of confidence Sweetie. But you got me. So Dane says "It's better than a Dirty Sanchez" and what happens next? In what context does he use it?

Averie: He's talking to his girlfriend about blow jobs...then he says this Dirty Sanchez thing. Everyone busted up laughing. I looked at Mary and she looked at me and everyone around us were laughing their asses off. We didn't wanna look stupid, so we laughed too. And then Mary said she'd call and ask Bobby (her ex) when she got home.

Me: Let's go Google it!

Averie: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Do you know how much porn is gonna pop up?

Me: (laughing) Like I care. Let's go! I gotta know!

So we Google. And both of us sit there staring at the Urban Dictionary definition.

Averie: *blink*

Me: *blink*

As I begin to burst into laughter, my poor daughter gets a look of complete disgust on her face and runs out of the room.

Me: (laughing) Averie, where ya going?

Averie: I have to call Mary! She'll be really embarrassed if she calls and asks Bobby about that. That's just wrong.

Me: So, I guess I can cross Dane off the list of prospective son-in-laws?

Funny. She didn't respond.


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