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Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Spoke Too Soon

I should have been a bit more cautiously optimistic. I shouldn't have let myself get too relieved or excited that she was home. I didn't want to think of the hell we went through 5 years ago. But suddenly, I feel myself back there. Ellie is back in the hospital.

She was doing well for two days. Then this morning, she refused food. All food. Even my homemade chicken and rice that she has been enjoying. She refused water. I tried this morning, but she just went to the bedroom, got on our bed, and remained there the rest of the day. Caris tried again while I was at work, with no result. No food, no water. When I got home, I called the doctor. He said to bring her in.

We hoped that it was just a reaction to the antibiotics. Maybe they were upsetting to her fragile digestive tract. I hoped beyond hope that it was an "easy fix". Too much to ask, I guess. She was in pain. She had a fever. He said he wanted to do another ultrasound. Ten minutes later, he came back and said that her pancreas was inflamed again and the fever indicates there might be a secondary infection. This is a recurring nightmare in our world. I just don't understand. We've done everything so right this time. Still, our girl is back in the hospital with an IV stuck in her little leg again. Even though the doctor says he believes she'll be "okay", I can't help but worry. Mostly, I hurt for her and I feel so very helpless.