It's well known in my world that he is on my "list". I find him completely lickable. There is not a human being on this earth that looks better in MAC make-up and a pair of stilettos than he. That's right....HE. And let's be honest; funny is damn sexy. I lust. Yes, lust after Eddie.
On Monday, whilst lurking on his site and listening to the "Blatheren" (Eddie-ites such as myself), I learned that he was gigging in Los Angeles for three nights. Problem was, the first of these three nights was that very evening. Chances of scoring tickets this late in the game would probably be nil...why bother? But bother I did. A mere 7 hours before he opened, I got 4 tickets to see the object of my well-placed lust in person. I called Ave, Caris and Charlie and INFORMED them where we were going that night. No arguments. Who is going to argue with a woman possessed? Segue to the theater...
I thought I'd wet myself from excitement and anticipation before he walked on stage and couldn't stop thinking how lucky I was to be there. Especially since I booked my tickets only hours before. The Coronet is an intimate venue, and really, the advantage is that no matter where you're sitting, it's a great seat and you could almost feel as if when Eddie talked, he was talking just to you (I like to think he was talking just to me and this is MY story, so yeah, he was talking just to me ). Quite quiet entrance, no overture, no intro, just Eddie...cool and lovely....walking out in a smart navy blue Lauren shirt (which made his beautiful eyes simply shine). Don't mean to gush, but really I can't help myself.
He began his set by removing the mic from the stand, and then had a nice long dance with the mic stand. Literally. In his attempt to move the mic stand offstage, he ended up with a prop, that turned into a toy or game, with which he entertained not only us, but himself. For a good five minutes he played this "watch me roll the mic stand on it's base across the stage" game until he became winded and then laughed at himself for good measure. SO FUNNY!
He blathered on everything; politics, religion ("It's not Jesus Christ, it's Jeezy Crisp. Sounds more like food"), the origin of words ("Democracy: from the latin 'Demo' meaning 'people' and 'Cracy' meaning ::ause::: 'what the f.... does 'cracy mean anyway?"), unnecessary body parts and in fact, had a quick dialogue with Averie who had recently had an emergency apendectomy:
Eddie: Did it hurt? Was it really painful?
AJ: Yes, very.
Eddie: Did they give you antibiotics?
AJ: They gave me Darvocet.
Eddie: What is that?
Audience: Painkillers
Eddie: (smiling) Even better! Perhaps the appendix is useful after all.
Just that he had a short conversation with her (with me sitting next to her mouth agape, but blissful) has still got me walking on clouds. He kept us laughing, going on about something, then wandering off topic and having to ask where he was going, and then back to topic (kinda!) with our (the audience's) obliging and ever-ready assistance. When we could stop laughing of course. God I adore him.
He spoke briefly about his new movie where he plays a German officer, which segued into his inability to do a proper Nazi salute because of his shoulder surgery and how hard it was for him to raise his arm higher than his chest. To which he remarked that he wished Hitler ("Evil Off-his-trolley Bast*$%d") could have created a "thumbs up" salute or something a bit easier for him to manage. I think given long enough, he could have convinced the director that that's how it really was. In the explanation and the myriad of different "Eddie-Approved" salutes, hilarity ensued.
He gave us a full two hours of his brilliance, ended and came back for an encore where he talked of his first encore at the Docklands Arena. He said that most of the audience was leaving after his set because there was only one train (Docklands Light Railway) leaving the area and everyone was scrambling to get on it. He literally screamed at them "SIT DOWN! COME BACK HERE AND SIT YOUR ARSES DOWN!", to which, he said, he got about 4,000 of the 7,000 back. No problem with us, we stayed and stayed, even though the parking structure next to the theater said they closed at 11:00. As long as Eddie was talking, we were willing to stay. When he was done and left the stage...it was then that I remembered to breathe.
"Blessed are the non-hairy people...for they shall slide down butter hills." ~Eddie Izzard
