Just Tired

I'm just tired. I'm worn out. I sometimes feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world and the way I get through it is to talk about the good stuff. The warm cookies. But sometimes, the whiskey chaser just takes over. This is one of those times. I don't handle sarcasm well, so that's not an option for me. I'm always worried about what other people think. I care too much. My heart hurts easily. I find, even though some days I might "talk big", I'm just a complete mushball. I don't understand mean people. I don't understand why its easier to be unkind than it is to be nice. Lately, I feel like the mother to the world. I take care of everyone, and everything. I'm told that that's the choice I make; that I put myself in that position. Usually by the people who are closest to me that I take care of. The reaction often floors me. I take care, and I care, and I get told not to care so much. I'm often surprised by people when they aren't like me, and then I'm told; "Why are you surprised? People suck." You struggle, and struggle, and you smile when you want to cry and the people that are assholes move on, uncaring, and you are left shaking your head and wondering why. I'm just tired. But I keep going even when I don't want to. And I wish sometimes that just one person would see just how scared I am and understand.