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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

What I Learned On My Oregon Vacation

I'm home. I haven't quite stepped on the "Weekend-Ends-Here" pedal. I thought I would sleep peacefully in my own comfy bed, but instead, snippets of weekend happenings infiltrated my dreams. I would wake up, giggle, poke a snoozing Charlie and say; "Oh yeah Honey, I forgot to tell you about when A and C went out on Proposal Rock and....." And he would calmly turn over to oblige me and listen..smiling. Such a good guy. After about the eighth "Oh yeah Honey..," he turned over and said; "...one time, at Band Camp..." That's when I thought I'd better save some for tomorrow and drifted off to sleep.

The landscape of my world has changed tenfold; even greater than 3-D could ever encompass. I have added to my family more love than I ever thought possible. All because Auburn Pisces had a birthday, and I invited myself. In the scope of this life lesson, this is what I learned.

1. The Transporation Security Administration (TSA). You know why their people are looking a little chunky? Because they take away the little jars of Guava Jelly and bottles of Coconut/Macadamia Syrup that you bring for your friends and they're having parties. Apparently, I represent what appears to them to be the Polynesian cell of terrorism. "Back off bitches or I'm gonna throw my Guava Jelly bomb at you." It wasn't a good start. I'm still bitter. Ask anybody.

2. Some people live in the forest. You can stand on their back porch and see wildlife. If you stand on my back porch you can see Cal-Trans painting over graffiti. Okay, it's not as bad as that, but there aren't any deer watching me drink my coffee in the morning.

3. A muddler is NOT a sex toy. No Pua, it's not. Even though Pony knows that I want the 12" exotic Honduran wood model. It's for limes. Really, it's for limes.

4. Aub has it all worked out. One should ALWAYS take their bartenders on weekend vacations with them. I don't remember my glass EVER being empty because A and J were SO attentive. What great little muddlers they are! Muddlers are NOT sex toys. Just sayin.

5. Pony needs a steppy stool for his MASSIVE....truck. Specifically for drunk Hawaiian women with short legs. I only remember taking one look at the back seat and saying to My Knight in Shining Armour that there was no way in hell I was gonna be able to hoist my ass into that truck. He calmly reassured me that that was his job this night and he promised I would get up there without breaking my neck. He kept his promise, but Pony still needs a steppy stool for me. It's a long way up.

6. Turkey Platters make perfect ashtrays. Just add sand.

7. Aub sleeps "blissfully".

8. Together, Pony, Hot Toddy, and Pua sing "What is This Feeling?" perfectly. Everyone was jealous, they just don't know how to admit it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

9. Hot Toddy & Patty Griffin make my eyes leak.

10. Febreeze is the single most wonderful invention on the face of the Earth. 'Nuff said.

11. Body Piercers in Portland are chatty.

12. C. C. Slaughter's makes your clothes fall off.

I have lei'd 6 sexy men and a beautiful red-headed woman. On a spectacular day on a drive to the coast, I have spoken of castles and kings and everything in between with someone who has wrapped my heart in a blanket, two coats, a duffle bag, 2 cd cases, some laundry...."and all that riggamarole". Toddy, I love you more than I thought possible. You make it easy.

I saw a family who epitomized the word "care". Pony, thank you for being such a good "Daddy", friend, safety net. Let some of that spill over on you. When I listen to our CD, I will smile and cherish every memory. Especially of flying lighters hitting glass doors.

Aub, thank you is not enough for sharing the abundance of your world with me. I feel blessed. On all sides and angles. Oh, and one more thing; King, Queen-Ace, Jack-Two, Ten-Three......

I love you. All of you. With a completely boundless love.


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