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Monday, November 22, 2004

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

I tossed and turned all night last night. Poor Charlie. It just wasn't a good night. Some demon quite bent on not allowing me the proper dose of sleep bounced in and out of my head. Too much on my mind I guess.

On Friday I picked up a few members of my birth family that were visiting from Hawaii. My sister Ulu, her husband, two daughters, and grand-daughter, and my mother. They were here for a week for their annual pilgrimage to Disneyland. Here they've been doing this for YEARS now, and me living only 12 miles from the Magic Kingdom, not knowing. Until now that is.

It's been a very nice visit. My mother holding tight to my hand while we sit and talk, gets weepy just looking at me. She says again and again, touching Averie, Caris and Bryson's faces, how beautiful her mo'opuna (grandchildren) are and how happy she is that I found her. She says how comfortable our home is and how much love she feels there. She says how happy she is that I've grown up ok. All the things I've longed to hear a parent say, she is saying. Sometimes, there are quiet moments where she says nothing. She just closes her eyes and I know that she is saying a silent prayer to God, whom she believes brought us together after all this time. It's surreal for me. But lovely.

The time passed quickly. Too quickly. Before I knew it, we were driving them back to Anaheim. Soon, in just a week, another group; another sister and her family, will be here and we will open our home once again. I look forward to the times I spend with newly found siblings, but there's something so different about connecting with the woman that gave birth to you. I can't imagine ever giving up one of my babies, but I understand the reasons why women may choose to do it. I understand that she was doing what she thought would bring the greatest gift to not just me, but my adoptive parents. It just didn't turn out quite the way she hoped. For that reason, my heart breaks for her. For that reason, it's good to see her smile. For that reason, I'm glad I found her. I think it gives her a sense of peace. The sense of peace that I needed for myself, I think my mother needed more.

Now I just need some sleep.


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