Shaq Who?

I don't have a bulletproof vest. So before you load your ammo and aim at me, please remember, it's MY blog.

I HATE basketball.

There; I said it. Those of you that know me know that this is no revelation. I was reading TunaGirl's blog about why she loves hockey and I agree with EVERYTHING she said. We are kindred spirits, though she doesn't know I exist. I'm a hockey girl, in a hockey world (sung to the tune of "I'm a Barbie Girl.") I have a small hockey shrine at my desk. My son's room is a virtual hockey hall of fame. I wear a hockey jersey when I go to games. My dog is named after a hockey player, for gosh sakes. It's not something that you'd expect from a girl who grew up on a tropical island. The word "hockey" is as foreign there as "desert". My family still teases me about it.

The problem is; this is LakerLand. Everywhere I go, I'm surrounded by yellow car banners, stickers, shirts, caps, and whatever else you can put a Laker emblem on. That's fine. I've gotten used to that. What I really have trouble with is that when I go to my favorite hang out, even though it's also NHL Stanley Cup playoff time, all the TVs are on basketball. Although Jerry (the manager) and Roz (the owner) always make sure there's one tv on hockey for me and they won't let anyone change it. I feel the love in some small way. Along with the love comes the constant ribbing about how much better basketball is than hockey and how the Lakers are the best basketball team in the universe. As long as it comes with free drinks, I'll listen.

Did I mention that Laker fans remind me of soccer hooligans? I pray to God that the Lakers don't win simply because fans in LA act like asswipes and think a playoff win means they have free reign to committ illegal acts. That, and this team is all ego and needs to be taken down a few notches. When we're in public, I keep my opinion to myself for fear of getting the crap beat out of me. Believe me, it's not easy. But I know I'm the minority.

I don't idolize Shaq, Kobe, or Rick Fox (yeah, ok, so I do think Rick Fox is hot, but that's another story). I don't think what they do requires talent as much as it requires height. Big deal. So they're tall and can take 4 long strides across a small court and drop a ball into a net. Does that mean they should be worshipped and canonized? I laughed my ass off when I heard on the radio that like "A-Rod" (Alex Rodriguez) of the MLB, radio announcers are now referring to Derek Fisher as "D-Fish". Good God. Are you kidding me? Should I start calling Shanny "B-Shan" or Darren McCarty "D-Mac"? Come on people. Give me a break.

The day I see Kobe and Shaq strap on a pair of ice skates and balance their great height on a steel blade 1/4" thick, using only a curved stick to get a puck across some frozen water and into a net. Well that's the day I become a fan. And you and I both know that THAT will be when hell freezes over.

Please don't hurt me.